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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25604197">can't help falling in love with you.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/grant/pseuds/caseysnovak'>caseysnovak (grant)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Baby Acquisition, Eventual Relationships, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Lesbian Casey Novak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:49:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25604197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/grant/pseuds/caseysnovak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On a cold night on winter, Casey Novak's life changes completely. She finds a baby on the street and feels an unbelievable connection with him. With the help of her close friend Alex Cabot, she tries to adopt him with her help, while they pretend to date each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexandra Cabot/Casey Novak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. like a river flows,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! This is my first time writing to this fandom so I'm kind anxious! I hope everything will be okay and you guys like this, because I like to write!<br/>My first warning is that I'm not an English native speaker so there will have some mistakes. I'm sorry about them and if there's something very bad, you can warn me. </p><p>I made a Spotify playlist to this fiction and it really calms me down, and I love this. Here's if you want to listen:  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2XPo1prlhofwQ99Sn9UMWa?si=LX-1IrSITmG-992BZx0IZw.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was almost midnight, too late to someone be alone. Casey didn't expect to go out of her office so late and usually, she doesn't. Not after being attacked so many years ago, she still has so many traumas about getting out late and being alone in the office, but that was a very tough case. Two pedophiles in one school, a missing boy, the PM on her feet constantly… Casey was truly exhausted. </p><p> </p><p>However, Casey needed clean air to think. She was overwhelmed, even though she was doing that job for <em> years. </em>It was five years since she got her license back, and she was putting sex criminals in jail. She should be used to that at this point. </p><p> </p><p>Casey left the taxi one street before her apartment. She didn't want to left it longer because could be very dangerous for anyone and even more someone like her. The taxi driver looked at her with sympathy when she left the car like he could read her overwhelming thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>Casey was walking slowly, mind full of things she should do or how she was going to prosecute the two teachers when she heard a cry. Casey stopped, then looked around to see if she heard right. The street was almost empty, just a couple walking far away from her. </p><p> </p><p>It couldn't be a cry. She was just tired and having hallucinations. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, she heard again. Casey immediately knew it was a baby crying and that couldn't be good, so she looked around for the noise, trying to figure out where it was coming from. It was cold and Casey knows she has read it was going to be the coldest day of the year in the newspaper that morning.  </p><p> </p><p>After searching around, she finally found the baby. Casey runs quickly in their direction and saw the small baby in a blue sheet. They were almost purple. The woman settles them immediately against her chest, seeing that they had blood around their head. They're too small so probably they're born not more than three hours ago. </p><p> </p><p>The ADA held them closer as she could, trying to warm them with her coat while she was thinking about what to do. She has to keep them warm, but couldn't do that on the street. But what lost any proof or whatever she knew she'd need to a possible arraignment? </p><p> </p><p>But Casey walked for her house fast as she could on her heels. She had to keep that baby warm, she had to do that before starting to think about the consequences of everything. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>After Casey finally cleaned the baby, she could finally look at him. She had discovered it was a boy, still with his umbilical cord, so he had probably left there minutes after he's born. She didn't know why someone would leave a baby to die in those circumstances, he was unable to call anyone… if she wasn't there or if she had chosen to come directly to her house, it could be too late and a horrible scenario to him.</p><p> </p><p>The woman looked to the baby who was holding her necklace. He didn't let her go after she cleans him, his small hands holding her like he knew she was the one who saved him. </p><p> </p><p>She could finally recognize his face and characteristics. He had an almost bald head, some lost blonde hair around, and deep blue eyes. He was small, of what she had seen from her nephews. The ADA got just one option and that was who she called for: Olivia. </p><p> </p><p>The other woman was still in her office, working on something else with Alexandra Cabot, who offered herself to come and help too. The two women said they're going to buy some things to help the baby, like clothes and diapers. They said they're calling Amanda too because she was breastfeeding and that would be good for the baby being feed. </p><p> </p><p>However, in those moments alone with a quiet baby holding her necklace, Casey knew her life would change completely. It was a baby. </p><p> </p><p>She found a baby on the street. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>×</p><p> </p><p>Amanda comes early than Alex and Olivia. It was kind surprisingly because she lives on the other side of the city but she looked to Casey with a soft smile. </p><p> </p><p>“So this is the big boy?” Rollins asked, come to touch the baby but that move makes Casey take a step away from her. When the ADA noticed what she had done, she shakes her head. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry. Please, come in. Do you want to drink something?” The redhead questioned, a little bit overwhelmed with her own actions. </p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I'm okay. Hmm, can I hold the baby or you will wait for Liv and Lex?” Amanda asked again, calmly because she knew the ADA was afraid of something. The detective looked at Casey with curiosity. She shouldn't be already feeling something for the baby, would she? </p><p> </p><p>“You can hold him. I think he's hungry, although he is too tired after almost dying outside.” Casey answered, giving the boy for the blonde woman. The baby started to cry almost immediately, and Amanda isn't even looking to Casey's direction before she starts to take off her shirt and bra to breastfeed the baby. “Uh, where you leave Jesse?” She asked a little bit shy. </p><p> </p><p>“She's with Noah's nanny. She was sleeping when I go out, you're lucky that Olivia was in her office.” Amanda said, touching the baby's face. </p><p> </p><p>He stopped his cry and looked hungry while he was being breastfed. Casey looked to that scene wanting to question Amanda if that doesn't hurt. Because it looked like he was going to take her nipple off. </p><p> </p><p>The redhead shakes her head, starting to walk around her living room nervously. What she was going to do with a baby? She was going to stay with him? Probably he has a mother, but she could raise him? </p><p> </p><p>Actually, there's no way she could leave that baby with his mother or whoever was his family. They left him to die. They didn't care if he was going to freeze until his death. </p><p> </p><p>In that one second of being alone with her own for the first time since she had catch the baby from the cold floor on the street, Casey could make a statement for herself. </p><p> </p><p>She was going to stay with him. No matter what she was going to do, she was going to stay with him. It was a promise. </p><p> </p><p>×</p><p> </p><p>When Olivia and Alex opened Casey's door, the baby was sleeping. Casey wanted to take the baby back, but she couldn't because he was still breastfeeding even sleeping. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” Olivia asked worriedly. </p><p> </p><p>“I was coming back from the Office when I heard his cry and found him on the street. He was purple, Liv, almost dead just with a small sheet around him.” Casey said but Olivia shakes her head looking to the baby. </p><p> </p><p>“You gave him a bath?” The sergeant questioned angrily. Casey shook her head, knowing it could be a problem. </p><p> </p><p>“I cleaned him with clean cloths and it's everything on a bag, so they can be proofs or whatever we need to. I just… I didn't know what to do with him.” Casey answered, knowing it was a bad choice to come to her apartment. But she needed to keep him warm before anything. </p><p> </p><p>“We need to go to the hospital. And I'll call the cops, you'll tell me where you found him and then they'll start an investigation to know what happened to this little guy.” Olivia said and looked to Amanda, who was tiredly shaking the baby boy. “And you can go home, 'Manda, you're tired and Lucy told me Noah was asking for you.” </p><p> </p><p>The blonde detective rolled her eyes but didn't seem she was going to say anything. After she took the baby off her breast, she gave him immediately to Casey, who hold him with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“And legally, what we'll do?” Alexandra asked her redhead co-worker and friend. </p><p> </p><p>“I don't know yet. We have to know where is his parents before anything, I guess.” Novak answered, before taking over their bags and put a new onesie on the baby and a diaper. He was comfortable now and they could go to the hospital finally. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Olivia chose to stay on where he was found to take proofs and anything else they could find, and Alex was on Casey's side, helping her with the baby. </p><p> </p><p>Actually, they're both in the waiting room, Casey's feet repeatedly beating the floor while her anxiety was just growing more and more. Alex, on her side, was slapping her hand on the chair support. </p><p> </p><p>“Miss Novak?” The doctor appeared and Casey was instantly walking in her direction. </p><p> </p><p>“It's me. What happened to him?” She asked anxiously and felt Alex's hand on her elbow, squeezing that a little bit to show her support.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm doctor Alison Park. He is tired, the cold was too much for his lungs because he started to use this not more than three hours ago. His umbilical cord was cut recently, I think it was cut maybe three or four hours ago. He's lucky you found him because he's also a little bit premature. So we'll keep him here for a couple of days or even a week.” The doctor explained and the ADA nodded a little bit relieved. </p><p> </p><p>“So he's okay? He's healthy, I mean?” Alex asked the woman, who smile at her. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, he is a strong baby boy. With the right vitamins, he'll be stronger and can go home with you two. I'm assuming you'll try to get his custody?” She asked and the two ADAs were caught by surprise, not noticing they're close and Alex's hand was still on Casey's elbow. </p><p> </p><p>“No, no… I-” </p><p> </p><p>“I'll try to get his custody,” Casey said succinctly after interrupted Alex's grumbles. The doctor seems to realize something and she makes a face of pure embarrassment. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I didn't want to assume anything. I'll come back later with any notices of the baby…” Doctor Park said before walking out of the room. </p><p> </p><p>The two ADAs have being mistaken as a couple two or three times before, but that didn't embarrass them like now. Because the woman assumed they're going to get the guard of a baby. </p><p> </p><p>“You want me to be your lawyer in case of a battle of the guard?” Alex suddenly asked, looking for her co-worker with worry. Casey bit her lip while she was thinking and that movement caught Alex's attention. </p><p> </p><p>She looked to the ceiling a second later, fighting with herself to look to the red-head like that. However, Casey was lost in her own mind to even care about anything. </p><p> </p><p>“I don't know yet. Yes, I felt an incredible connection with him but if he has a mother out there… I have no choice except to give him to her. There are so many circumstances of what had happened…” Casey answered, looking to the ceiling. The woman reclined until her back was press against the wall of the hospital and looked to Alex. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” The blonde woman asked, confused with her look. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you think I have any chance to stay with him if… if…”</p><p> </p><p>“I think it will depend on the situation, Case. If his mother is dead if he doesn't have any parent… if it was his family who let him alone to die. There are so many possibilities.” Alex answered sincerely. She didn't want to lie to her friend, so she was calm with her words. </p><p> </p><p>“I know. I just…” Casey stopped in her own words, looking down and biting her lip again. Alex holds her hand so she could look at that and not the woman's mouth. “I have the feeling that it was his family who gave up him. I just know that and I hate myself for thinking like that.” The ADA said, squeezing Alex's hand harder. </p><p> </p><p>The older could understand her. She was the only one who saw the scene, the only one who could understand what happened there. And after so many cases on SVU, Alex knows the other woman got at least a little bit detective on her. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, guys.” Olivia appeared, smiling for the two women. “Is he okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but he's a little bit premature so they'll keep him here for a couple of days or a week,” Casey answered, not raising from the chair. She was tired. </p><p> </p><p>“I have bad news, I'm afraid.” The detective said. </p><p> </p><p>“Say it.”</p><p> </p><p>“We found his mother. She's dead.” Olivia told them calmly, but with grief in her voice. “She was very young and Melinda told me she probably die after gave birth.” Her words made the two women on her side left a sigh in unison. </p><p> </p><p>That makes everything harder. </p><p> </p><p>“There's a crime scene?” Alex asked slowly, looking to Casey who was lost on her thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, because someone stole the baby and let him for die on the cold. But there are no cameras on the street neither on his mother's apartment so it will be very hard. I… I already called the social service and even though we're in bad terms with them, they'll come to check the baby.” Olivia explained. </p><p> </p><p>“Olivia…” Alex's voice breaks a little while she looks for the woman. Both of them put social workers in jail, they aren't on the good side of them. That could prejudice Casey if she wanted to stay with the baby. </p><p> </p><p>“They have to come, I'm sorry Casey.” The sergeant said, her voice full of sadness. </p><p> </p><p>“There are no ways to keep him? Like, Casey was the one who found him, she could be with his custody while we conclude the investigation.” Alex asked. Her hand was on Casey's back. </p><p> </p><p>The redhead woman was with her face hide on her hands like she didn't believe that could happen. Of course, they know the social service would come early, but not <em> that </em>early. </p><p> </p><p>“You know how hard it is to them give a baby to a single woman, you know that. I was waiting for a long time until they gave me Noah, and it wasn't easy. There are more people waiting for a baby and we all know that someone single couldn't get them.” Olivia said again, trying to explain for her friends. </p><p> </p><p>“And if she has anyone?” Alex questioned, making Casey immediately look at her. </p><p> </p><p>“There's no one, Al,” Casey whispered shyly. </p><p> </p><p>“If she has anyone?” The older ADA pressed Olivia, who looked to the ceiling. </p><p> </p><p>“She'd have a chance. You know these kinds of cases are very hard and maybe we'll never find who had done this.” The sergeant answered. “But that would depend on what kind of relationship she has, their wealthy, and the hours they'd have for the baby.” </p><p> </p><p>“That couldn't be a problem,” Alex said firmly. </p><p> </p><p>“Al, I don't have anyone,” Casey said, holding the blonde's hand hard. The woman looked at her with a soft smile. </p><p> </p><p>“You have me.” </p><p> </p><p>That words caught Casey by surprised and the ADA looked confusedly to her friend. What the hell Alex was trying to do? </p><p> </p><p>“You think that if we say were dating they could agree with us getting the custody?” Alex asked Olivia, who sighed in confusion. </p><p> </p><p>“And you two are dating?” </p><p> </p><p>“No, but Casey is in love with this child and I'll not let her lose him,” Alex said and Casey shake her head, her hand getting out of Alex's so she could think right. </p><p> </p><p>“Alex, that's crazy. No one will believe were dating neither we want a baby in our lives, it's crazy. And if I lie to justice again, I'll be fired as Donnelly promised.” Casey nervously said, her breath was fast like she was having a panic attack. </p><p> </p><p>“Case, look, I saw you with him in the taxi. You hold and looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world, and I've never seen you with a child like that. You don't even want to hold Jesse! I know he's already important to you and if you don't want to lie to the social service we can say we're going to be co-parents.” Alex explained her hand over Casey's again, squeezing her skin softly so she can deep normally. </p><p> </p><p>“Al, I don't want to push you,” Casey told her, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths to calm her down. </p><p> </p><p>“I know that. But you won't, I want you to be happy and I'll help with anything I can.” Alex softly said, getting next to the other woman to make her believe in her words. </p><p> </p><p>She needs that because she had seen what Casey feels for the baby. It wasn't simply loving, they really have a connection. And the older ADA didn't want her to lose that baby, even though that would be very egoistic. </p><p> </p><p>However, Casey's hand started to squeeze her too, like she was giving up. </p><p> </p><p>“We going to say we date?” She softly asked, looking to the blonde woman. </p><p> </p><p>“Just if you want to.” </p><p> </p><p>“Isn't it too risky? We could lose him if they found out.” </p><p> </p><p>“They'll not find anything, I'll have sure on this, I promise,” Alex affirmed, kissing Casey's hand softly. </p><p> </p><p>The younger ADA nodded, pulling Alex for a hug. She put her head on Alex's shoulder and the blonde woman squeezes her waist for a second, trying to let her know that everything was going to be fine. </p><p> </p><p>“I pretend I didn't saw two of the most respected ADAs from the city trying to break the law?” Olivia jokes, making the ADAs roll their eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“You don't have to pretend anything, Liv, because you didn't <em> listen to </em> anything, right?” Alex said softly and the sergeant rolled her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia stopped when her phone ring and she come to get that outside the room. Meanwhile, Casey was still trying to understand what the hell Alex was doing. </p><p> </p><p>“Al, and if they just give him to a married couple?” She asked softly, looking to the ceiling. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, we work in a Court. Wouldn't be hard to marry, you know.” Alex simply answered, looking to her phone. </p><p> </p><p>Casey turns to her direction, completely speechless that the other woman was going to do <em> anything </em> to get the baby for <em> her </em>. She looked in pure admiration and the blonde woman could feel that, so she looked for the red-head with a soft smile. </p><p> </p><p>“You would destroy your life if you marry me,” Casey spoke, a little embarrassed. “I mean, I'm still known as the ADA who was censured for three years, I almost lost my career. And the people who you sleep with? Wouldn't be good if you marry me.”</p><p> </p><p>Her words made Alex laugh softly. How she could say to Casey that there's no one on her life for years? Gosh, she had slept with people nowadays for fun, but the last time was months ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Honestly I wouldn't lose anything if I marry you. You're pretty, you're intelligent, my uncle loves you and plus we're getting a baby. If I had to marry you to we get the custody of this baby, I wouldn't regret.” Alex said softly, touching Casey's hand again. “We could get a divorce too, if you want.” </p><p> </p><p>“You're doing so much…” The redhead said, biting her lip while she was looking for the woman. </p><p> </p><p>Their moment was interrupted abruptly by a man. He looked tired and a little bit stressed. Alex knew immediately it was going to be hard. </p><p> </p><p>“Hello, I'm Mark Wilson, I'm the social worker designed for this case.” He said. Alex and Casey both politely pressed his hand, looking at him seriously. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm ADA Alex Cabot and this is ADA Casey Novak, she was the one who finds the boy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you, Miss Novak.” </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Curiously, after that "nice" everything went down. The man started to say everything they already know about the law but he affirmed, many times, that Casey couldn't stay with the baby. That he was already preparing a home to him and that could be better. </p><p> </p><p>Alex was completely pissed off. She lost her mind and affirmed they're going to marry soon, so they can advance the wedding to start a family with the boy. </p><p> </p><p>The man pretends she hasn't said anything and Alex almost beat him. However, she kept her calm and Casey was the one who ended the conversation, saying that they could finish that tomorrow. </p><p> </p><p>The doctor Park come before the man had left, saying that the baby was good and Casey could finally go home. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia took them home, in complete silence. Casey's apartment was closer than Alex's, and the older ADA asked her to stay with her that night so they could solve their things. </p><p> </p><p>However, before they walk out Olivia's car, Alex had to ask her something. </p><p> </p><p>“Liv, can you or Amanda be our wedding witness?” She asked shyly making the other woman choke on her own saliva. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?” Olivia said, turning to look at her. </p><p> </p><p>“Casey and I wouldn't get the baby's custody without being married, the social worker already told us. If we have to marry, can one of you two please do that?” Alex questioned and her friend took a deep breath, shaking her head. </p><p> </p><p>“I can't, actually. I'm involved in this case, so if there's any correlation between us, you can lose his custody. I think it would be good for you to ask Rafael, maybe?” She denies softly and Alex sighs, nodding. </p><p> </p><p>“You're right. I'm sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>“No problem, you know I'll always have your back.” </p><p> </p><p>Alex nodded, walking out the car after the goodbyes. Casey was already on the street and when she saw her friend coming, she opened the door calmly. </p><p> </p><p>The younger ADA was already feeling lonely without the baby. She could see the bags that Alex and Liv brought to him and it was making her feel bad for not stay the night with him. </p><p> </p><p>She prayed for a second to him be okay and come home with her soon. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Case, do you want tea or something?” Alex asked from the kitchen.  She was there to get water but she had passed so many hours there that she probably knows where to find everything. </p><p> </p><p>Casey stands from the couch where she was laying down and walks into her kitchen, finding Alex already putting the tea on the stove. </p><p> </p><p>“I think I'm going to bath and then I can come back to talk with you, 'kay?” The redhead asked and Alex nodded. </p><p> </p><p>While Casey was bathing, Alex took off her phone. On the hospital, she sent a couple of messages to one very close friend to ask her something and now she had finally answered. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Abbie C.:</b>
</p><p>Probably. </p><p>You know I can do anything, but this would be harder I guess. </p><p>Maybe Serena has some favors there too, probably she can get this for you. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Alexandra C.: </b>
</p><p> </p><p>That's what I'm talking about. </p><p>Guarantee Casey's going to be the priority in his custody. </p><p>I'll owe you. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>Abbie C.:</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Consider this already done.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. surely to the sea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex and Casey has to deal with McCoy and buying things for the baby.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, how are you?? Hope you guys are fine! Thank you for all the kudos, it's very cool! Now, let's read.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Casey went to her bedroom after their conversation. Being two respected attorneys, they knew how to read the law like no one else, so they tried to find any empty space on their story and correct everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex told Mr. Wilson their plans to marry, and that they're thinking about that for a while but they haven't time to make the ceremony. They're going to at least pretend they're living together. A wedding too soon after that could be extremely bad for their story. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning, Casey wakes and immediately smells someone cooking in her kitchen. She got ready for work (even though she wasn't going to appear in the office today, she admits) and then walked to the kitchen, where she finds Alex already eating pancakes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mornin', you did that?” Casey asked, her voice sounding hoarse in the morning. Alex looked at her with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good mornin', I thought you could be hungry after yesterday. I noticed you haven't dinner.” The older ADA said, smiling to her friend who nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Al, you're so nice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abbie called me, she told Serena was calling the social service to get the custody of the baby. Abbie said that they have just to come here to meet us and the house, to see it's a good home for the baby.” Alex explained, her voice almost cracking with happiness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey looked at her disbelieved. She put a hand over her racing heart, looking to the woman with a brilliant smile. The tears come to her eyes without permission, and a second later she was throwing herself into Alex's arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can't believe you did this.” Casey softly said, her face hiding on Alex's neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven't done anything yet. First, we gotta get my clothes in my apartment, bring here, and pretend we're a cute couple. Then, we get the baby's custody and live happily ever after.” Alex jokes, smiling and kissing Casey's forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other woman slowly gets away from her, with the smile never leaving her face. Casey couldn't be happier. She was going to stay with the baby, at least until they find his family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And if they don't… maybe she could adopt him. With Alex, apparently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, it was a dream to become more and more real and Casey couldn't believe it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>×</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After their shared moment in the early morning, Casey borrowed some clothes for Alex and they got to the hospital to see the baby. The redhead was nervously squeezing her hand and her feet hitting the floor over and over again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was the one driving, so she softly takes Casey's hand and holds until they finally were in the hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were surprised by Olivia's presence there with Rafael and Carisi. The men were looking over something the Sergeant was showing on a tablet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good mornin'.” Alex softly said, getting their attention. The other three looked at them, Rafael's eyes slight looking to the women's hands tied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you come early.” Olivia greets them with a big smile. “The baby's very healthy, they are thinking about discharging him tomorrow.” She immediately updates the two women and Casey left a sigh of relief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hand squeezed Alex's before she got away from the ADA. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“May can I see him?” Casey asked looking to Olivia's eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I believe. However, you have to sign some papers to his custody, it was given to me today. I've never seen the social service work so fastly before, that's a miracle.” The sergeant answered, like she know they have something with the fastness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have to choose a name to him too. There's nothing on the papers and you're gonna be like signing papers for a baby with no name.” Olivia called their attention and Casey looked to Alex in search of answers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We're going to find this, okay? Let her see the baby and later I'm going to send you the papers signed.” Alex comes in rescue and Olivia nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then we haven't anything else to do here. There's a cop on the baby's door, but don't worry, it's just until we find the one who took his mother's life.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Cabot, can I talk with you?” Rafael asked while Carisi and Olivia were walking out of the hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman nodded and made a movement to Casey go to see the baby, what the redhead did a little hesitantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked between the white walls with something heavy on her chest. Casey was completely afraid of being in hospitals after everything that happened with her many years ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yesterday, she could ignore it. Right now it was a little suffocating, so she concentrates on finding the nursery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are many babies together, but when she saw the brunch of blonde hair and a cute face on the back of the nursery, Casey knew it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>baby immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, I'm Casey Novak, I'm here to see that baby.” Casey pointed when she entered the nursery. She didn't know if she could enter however, the nurse didn't kick her out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The little one who was found on the street?” The nurse asked, looking Casey like she was the one who let the baby on the street. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I'm gonna try to get his custody,” Casey explained. “I was the one who found him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That statement makes the nurse relax, and Casey knew she was right to take all care because she couldn't trust anyone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, the thoughts of the nurse come off Casey's mind when she saw the blonde boy so close. She smiled at him, even though he couldn't look at her because of his closed eyes. The ADA touched his face softly, smiling with how soft it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, baby. I'm Casey. We met yesterday, and I was the one who saved you. And I promise you I'll save you again. I'll be your mom, if they don't find your family, right?” She whispered to him. The small baby opened his eyes when she started to speak and she was lost in deep blue eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His blue eyes reminded her of Alex's eyes. It was almost the same blue that got her hypnotized. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The funnier thing was the baby looking her like he understood every word. Casey was completely in love with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, this bag is things for him?” The nurse asked Casey, making the woman look to her nodding. She gave the bag to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's just two pairs of clothes, I'm going to buy more things for him today, I promise.” Casey softly said a little embarrassed she haven't time yet to buy more things for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's alright Miss Novak, just have sure you get everything, right? This big boy here will need.” The nurse warned her and Casey nodded, turning to look the baby's eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She has to find a name for him. And where in the hell Alex was? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>× </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm not sure of what are you doing here, but I am sure that McCoy's going to say something.” Barbra started, looking worriedly to Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't think too, this isn't none of his business. Casey was the one who found him, and now she has rights on his custody.” Alex replied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I'm not talking about this. Saying you two are in a relationship, like that? Are you crazy? You're like the straightest person ever." He said totally disbelieved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” Alex couldn't hold her laugh. Rafael really thought she was straight. What the hell? She started to laugh. “Fuck off, Raf, I'm not even straight. I'm bisexual, I even hook up with your new secretary one time. And Casey? Did you ever look at her? I'm not in stereotypes but she's so lesbian that hurts.” She said smirking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> She couldn't believe he really thought she was straight. What she has done wrong? Of course, to everyone outside, she was straight but she assumed everyone in the office knows she was bisexual.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? I don't hear anything in the office.” Rafael answered, his mouth open with the revelations. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gee, you need to hang out with me and Casey any day to being updated about the gossips. I swear Casey could be a reporter, she knows everyone's romance life, she just stays quiet.” Alex explained, still smiling. She analyzed Rafael's reaction and her smile disappeared. “You seem angry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With myself, I can't believe my </span>
  <em>
    <span>gaydar</span>
  </em>
  <span> it's so bad. And also can't believe that everyone in SVU is LGBTQ." He mocked and Alex laughed again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Literally. Munch recently told us he is ace. I think Elliot was the only straight on this squad.” She jokes making the other ADA rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think this is going to work? They'll believe in your relationship?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know, Raf.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man nodded, knowing she was stressed but she was the only one who could do anything to get that baby's custody.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>× </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Alex mumbled behind Casey, making the redhead jump a little bit. Alex laughed with Casey's reaction, but she got closer to the woman, looking to the baby in her arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, you want to kill me?” Casey asked, but Alex didn't answer. She was still looking to the baby, his eyes connected with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I hold him?” The blonde woman asked and Casey nodded immediately, standing from the chair with the baby and putting him on Alex's arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex left a soft sigh out of her mouth, the way the baby fits on her arms making her heart speed up. He was so small, she was afraid of throwing him accidentally, so she sits on the chair where Casey was previously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perfectly sitting on the chair, Alex could use her hand to softly pass around the baby's face. But for her surprise, he raised his hand to hold hers. Then he squeezes, making the ADA immediately smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We gotta find a name for him,” Casey affirmed, sitting on the chair's arm and leaning on Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Aston?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like the soccer team?” Casey asked surprised that the woman knows soccer teams. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! That's a great English name and means noble stone.” Alex answered, concerned that Casey would think about soccer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And it's also the name of Aston Villa and Aston Martin, that luxury car.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doesn't matter, no one will relate his name to a soccer team.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They will! We can't put this even as the second name.” Casey said, her hand over Alex's shoulder while she was thinking. “What about Isak?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Religious names?” Alex immediately replied and Novak at least looked guilty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am a good catholic girl, please.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No religious names.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, and Neal? It's Irish and means champion.” Alex stopped for a minute, thinking about that name. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a good one, and the baby on her arms looked like a Neal. He already was a champion, afterward. Neal Aston Novak? They didn't talk about the last name to give him if they adopt him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Neal Aston?” Alex asked and Casey complained immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We're not giving his name Aston, my brother would kill me if he knew I named my baby Aston. Aston Villa is like a rival to his team, Wolverhampton, I will not do that to my bro.” Casey explained and Alex, who wasn't into soccer or any sports, by the way, didn't understand why a single name could be such a problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok! What about Aaron?” She asked a little bit angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Neal Aaron Cabot? Fuck, I love that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't swear in front of the baby!” Alex immediately replied, slapping the younger ADA's leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey laughed but she was still looking to the baby. Yes, definitely he looked like a Neal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn't better Neal Aaron Novak?” Alex questioned a little bit shy because she really wants the baby to have Casey's name. He was her baby, after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't you think Cabot is better?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just thought you'd like to put your name, not mine,”  Alex said and Casey smile at the ADA, then she started to play with Alex's hair softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know, both names would be good.” She answered and Alex nodded, her head inclined to Casey's direction. “And that's if we get his custody. Right now, he's just Neal Aaron, waiting for his family.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we are his family.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stayed in silence, looking to the baby with love. They couldn't stop, even though it wasn't one day since they met him. However, there's just one thing on their heart, making them feel like he was their whole world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex has never thought she'd want kids one day. She was already was on her late thirties, and always thought she was too old to be pregnant. She knew Casey didn't want to marry or whatever, the other woman couldn't stop with anyone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But fall in love with that baby wasn't hard to do. They have a connection and the women wouldn't let him go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>× </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Case, you like baseball, don't you?” Alex asked, hiding something behind her. Casey looked at her suspiciously, her eyebrows raising immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I do. Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look!” Alex raised an onesie with the New York Mets' sign. Casey opened her mouth, outraged. “Don't you like it?” Alex asked sadly after see Casey's eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That's outrageous, I support Yankees,” Novak replied, looking to her friend with disbelieved. “You know that Al, I have a photo with a Yankee's player in my office!” Casey said and she couldn't hold her laughed with the woman's pout. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked into Alex's direction and hold the woman's waist. She couldn't hold her laugh with Alex's face, but the woman softly punched her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even though I'm very offended, it isn't your fault that you don't know shit about sports. No one can be perfect, just me.” She jokes, squeezing Alex's waist and making the woman rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren't perfect,” Alex replied to make the other woman mad but Casey smirk, raising her eyebrow, about to tease her when they heard someone clearing their throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They separate just to look at the sales assistant, who comes back with her arms full of baby clothes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You mentioned he was about one day, so I brought some things.  Babies grow up very fast, so all the clothes will be lost fastly. I bring clothes to six months old babies too, so you can decide if you're buying new or later.” She said fast like she was uncomfortable and Casey bit her lip, baffled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We'll take everything,” Alex answered and Casey looked at her concerned. She couldn't deny her because the salesgirl now has a shining on her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I'll take this to the counter, will you add anything more?” She asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have Giants and Yankees' onesies?” Casey questioned softly and the girl raised her eyebrow but nodded. “Right, I want this too. And a small cap of Yankees if you have any.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Casey's words, the girl ran away, and the ADA could finally look to Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell? You don't think it's bad that you'll spend too much money on this?” She questioned disbelieved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn't much money, it's just comfort. I want to give that to our baby, Case.” Alex affirmed, touching the other woman's hand. Casey looked at her, a little bit overwhelmed that she called the baby </span>
  <em>
    <span>theirs</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She was about to say something else when Alex's phone started to ring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde looked at her and walked away for a minute, and Casey knew that it wasn't about </span>
  <em>
    <span>their baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Their. Nothing could sound more pleasant than that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alexandra Cabot and Casey Novak having a child, who could imagine? If anyone comes to Casey months ago saying she was going to be a mother and being co-parenting with Alex, she'd send the person immediately to a hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, there was her, sending pictures of baby clothes to her brother and mother. They're excited to meet him, but she wasn't sure yet. There are some things yet and she didn't even know if she was going to stay with him. It wasn't time yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sending pictures was much more that she could do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kim just called me. They couldn't postpone my trial, I have to go right now.” Alex appeared, a little bit excited and stressed. Casey nodded because she knew how bad could be a judge when they don't like your face. “You'll be okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I'll take the clothes and everything to my apartment, then I'll go to see Neal,” Casey told the older woman and Alex smiled at her, and comes to a hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't forget there are furniture assemblers at 3 pm at your house to assemble the crib, okay?” Alex warned and Casey nodded again. She was almost forgetting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex kissed her cheek and walk out of the store, leaving Casey to deal with everything. However, when she got to pay for the clothes, she found out Alex already paid for everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a whole surprise for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>×  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey was exhausted. She had a lot of things to do and had to give one of her cases to Rafael, who understood everything. He even tried to get other cases but she wasn't going to overwhelm him yet. She wants to make everything right and this starts with talking with McCoy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After shopping, she went to see the baby. Neal was opening his eyes more, the nurse said, and he even gave her a smile. Casey couldn't be happier, but the doctor made her day saying that she could take Neal home tomorrow or two days later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey also waited for the furniture movers to do their thing and they kind restructured her guest room. They gave her a number of a professional painter who could paint the room. They're so nice that she put their numbers on her agenda. She knew that eventually will need them again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And all over this, she didn't get any messages from Alex. The woman was in radio silence and Casey didn't want to admit that she was a little bit worried. Maybe there's something wrong with their thing. Maybe… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, she walks into Jack McCoy's room with confidence. She knows that if there's something bad going on, Alex would warn her. At least, she was hoping to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good afternoon, Casey,” Jack said when she opened the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To Casey's surprise, Alex was already there. The blonde woman was sitting with folders on her lap as she comes there immediately after the trial. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I was hoping to talk to you alone.” Casey walked into the seat next to Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think that you can share whatever with your </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” The DA answered. There's a bite in his words and Casey wanted to hide on the floor, but she didn't react at all. She wasn't a kid, for God's sake. “I don't know how you two could hide this for that long and not said anything to me. I'm the boss of you two!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jack, you don't need to make this bigger than it is.” Alex interrupted him and McCoy immediately glanced at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn't big, ADA Cabot? Two of my employees are dating and couldn't say anything to me? What's next, you'll appear at Gay Times?” Immediately Casey raised her eyebrows, knowing that could be very homophobic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And if we do that? What this has to do with our work? Or are you mentioning that you don't want two of the most prestigious ADAs of this office here just because we're in a relationship? You know how homophobic it sounds?” Alex said for Casey, standing and looking at Jack with fire in her eyes. Casey tried to hold her hand or whatever but Alex didn't sit back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alexandra, I just don't want to know that my employees are sleeping together and don't mention this for two years.” He answered trying to get away from the accusing of being homophobic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don't come to every straight couple that starts to date here. We have married people working together and you're coming into us just because we're out now? And we're going to start a family? Don't hide your homophobic thoughts, McCoy.” Alex accused again, her voice wasn't loud but she was stressed. Casey stand from her chair and touched the woman's waist softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wanted Alex to relax because both losing their jobs today couldn't be good for their future. Even though her heart was racing for the woman defending them from McCoy's homophobic ass, she still wants her to calm down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, Alexandra, I don't have anything against you, because you know that you're two best ADAs from here, however…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don't talk because we're afraid of losing everything that took fifteen years to grow here. Now we have a baby on our way and we'll not be afraid anymore.” Casey interrupted him immediately. Alex turns to look at her and hold her hand with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>McCoy took a deep breath and close his eyes. The DA looked overwhelmed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can't have two of you have a maternity leave right now. We don't have enough money to pay for a substitute.” He said like he gave up on attacking them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll work and Casey will take the license. I can share her cases with Rafael.” Alex said, sitting back when it looked calm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what Rafael said about that?” McCoy asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't think he has an opinion about that but he was fine,” Alex answered, her voice full of irony. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well.” It was the last words of McCoy. The women looked at each other, knowing they won. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They know that McCoy couldn't hold an accusation of homophobia. His daughter wanted to get elected next year as a representative of New York State and she was democratic. She surely couldn't lose any votes, and people always relate her to Jack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that, McCoy didn't say anything else and the women knew it was time to leave. They walk together into Alex's office and Casey wanted to talk with her, but it wasn't possible due to another presence in Cabot's office. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abbie Carmichael was sitting on the desk, looking something on her phone. She was undisturbed by the sound of the door opening, but she has papers with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're late.” Abbie greeted them, with a smile in their direction. Casey looked at her with a raised eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We're with McCoy. Thank Goodness, Kim warned me that he called Casey.” Alex said back, sitting on her desk and softly pushing Abbie away from her desk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it's his signature. I swear to God he'll be accused of homophobia one day. First with me, then Rafael and now you two. And I remember he tried to fire West because of her wife, you know that?” Abbie gossiped, still looking to her phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey usually doesn't talk to her, not because she dislikes the woman, just because they weren't exactly friends. But her wife was the one behind Neal's custody, and she was Alex's best friend. There's absolutely no reason to not talk with the woman now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop the gossip, Abbie, what you're doing here?” Alex asked, already stressed with McCoy's behavior. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Geez, be gentle with me.” The brunette answered but she didn't look mad. “Alright, Serena told me the social service is going to be at your home Thursday, maybe sooner. But I was worried about what they'd find in your lives so I find this in a site, it's the questions they usually ask immigrants. It's good to you fix this in your minds.” She gave Casey the paper she previously has in her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why immigrants questions?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's a thing to get a green card, I thought it will be almost the same questions. Also, about the baby, I think it's cool to you two not make extra hours. Never looks good for social service.” She added, looking to her phone again. “Kim is calling me, I have to go. Have a nice night, ladies.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You too, Abbie. Thanks for everything.” Alex answered looking to her friend with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Casey said and Abbie nodded before walk out the room. “Geez..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She's really a thing, isn't it?” Alex softly said, knowing her friend wasn't someone easy to deal with. Abbie always talks too much, always too sassy. “But she's right. We have to know each other very well and not make extra hours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that. I will just finish my cases and then I'll stay at home with him, I guess.” Casey said, sitting on Alex's sofa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman looked at her with fun on her eyes and Casey raised her eyebrows, questioning what she wants to say. Alex stand from her chair and walked to sit with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You will give me your cases right now, and I'll share them with Rafael. You will not have time to work with a newborn, Case. They're always loud and we both know that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Al, I don't want you to be overwhelmed…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey was silenced by Alex's hand on her arm. The blue eyes staring at her intensely, trying to reach deep on her soul. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rafael is already with your hardest case and there's no way you can get that again. We're trying to you get that baby and you'll take the maternity leave, okay?” Alex affirmed, squeezing her arm. Casey takes a deep breath before nodding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love my job.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I know that. You'll come back sooner than you think, okay?” Alex promised, her hand sliding to encounter Casey's hand. They smiled at each other and nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey was ready for her new journey. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys liked this! Thanks for reading. All mistakes are mine.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. darling, so it goes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alex it's back to work and have to deal with some troubles. Neal is finally in home.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, I wish you guys are fine! Have a great reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Neal was crying when they arrived home. They just opened the door and entered Casey's apartment and the baby boy was already crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, God. Why he is crying?” Alex immediately questioned, putting the baby seat on the couch to get him out of that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he is hungry?” Casey asked after putting the bags on the couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Alex took him off the chair and comfortably on her arms, Neal's cry stopped immediately. The two looked at each other and started to laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is that, Neal? Are you already being pampered, uh? Just six days and you're like this…” Alex whispered to him and she could see he was almost giving her a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex thought he couldn't be cuter than that, but every time he smiles to her, it was like her heart was stolen all over again. The ADA sat on the couch and looked to Casey who was on her phone frantically writing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What's going on?” Alex asked worriedly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Social service is coming here to take our papers and see the house,” Casey answered and Alex nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All my things are in your room?” She asked because she had to leave early to go to an emergency trial. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, everything is cool. I'm already anxious.” Novak said, sitting next to Alex after blocking her phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want some tea?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Coffee,” Casey mumbled, hiding against the couch. Alex laughs softly before touch her on her ribs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take Neal, I'll make something to eat,” Alex said, and Casey stood from her place, softly taking Neal on her arms and immediately smiling to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let's watch Yankees, N!” Casey happily exclaimed and Neal looked at her like he could understand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex leaves the living room smiling, her heart racing with the softness between Casey and Neal. It was obviously the woman who already adore that baby boy like Alexandra was doing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With those thoughts on her mind, Alex didn't hear the knocks on the door. So she was surprised by Mark Wilson on the doorstep with Casey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good afternoon, Mr. Wilson. Do you want some tea?” She asked calmly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Miss Cabot. Are you used to prepare the meals in this house?” He questioned when Casey invited him to sit on the balcony.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Case can't cook to save her life,” Alex replied smiling to Casey, who rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Al, I can cook!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Babe, coffee isn't food. Neither sandwiches are.” Cabot replied to her friend and Casey grunted but stopped when Neal touched her hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long have been since you two are together?” Wilson asked, opening his notebook to write. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since July of 2014. But we're officially together since February of 2015.” Casey answered because they have been exercising that since Tuesday. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why does it take so long?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Our careers and dreams weren't aligned. Alex was tripping to Africa being a charity attorney, I was studying again. We didn't want a relationship yet, but she changed my mind eventually.” Casey explained with a soft smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex, on her side, could almost believe in her words. She looked very convincing.  Alex couldn’t deny Casey was a great lier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But when we got together, we thought it would be better for us don’t share this immediately because of our job. We are very private, so when we started, we slowly shared our love to her family.” Alex added, coming closer to Casey to make their </span>
  <em>
    <span>relationship </span>
  </em>
  <span>convincing. She holds the redhead's waist and softly caressed Neal’s hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey looked at her with a cute smile before letting a kiss on her cheek. Alex shared the smile; everything to make it real. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard that both of you spend many hours in your office. That could be bad for the baby if he hasn’t present mothers.” Wilson said, still writing something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We know that and we’ve made a deal where none of us will be late at the office. If there’s something to do there, then we’ll bring it home.” Alex explained, Casey on her side nodding affirmatively; that deal wasn’t even about their fake relationship and mostly about Neal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We made an agreement with our detectives so none of them will disturb us at home, even with if it is about warrants,” Casey said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I see around the house?” The social worker asked and Casey nodded, standing from the chair to make a tour around the home. She put Neal on Alex's arms and kissed the blonde's forehead softly before retiring with the man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked to Neal and the baby was already looking at her. His blue eyes really were very similar to her own and that was funny to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope mommy Casey doesn't get in trouble, Neal.” She told him and the baby smiled as he could understand. Then she smelled the extremely bad smell and narrowed her eyes. “I can't believe you did this to your mom, baby.” She complained aloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stood from the chair and walked to Neal's bedroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex and Casey spend hours organizing his room, even took an afternoon to paint themselves (because Alex said it wasn't hard to do and in the end, they had to call a professional painter). It was totally green, with stuffed animals, books, and even a miniature of a baseball bat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman put Neal on his charging table and cleaned the baby boy, who was staring at her like he was already judging her. When Alex finished, she gave him a victory smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don't believe I was going to do this and it was great!” Alex said to him and heard some laughs on her back. She turned around and looked to Wilson and Casey, her friend was the one laughing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This baby is intimidating you?” Casey asked getting next to them. Her smile gets brighter when she noticed he was wearing an onesie of Giants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is our baby, it's his duty being intimidating,” Alex replied and Casey laughed louder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wilson cleared his throat beside them and Alex looked At him while Casey was taking off Neal from his charging table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My visit ends here. You've done well with giving Neal a good home for now and we're going to see how the investigation will be. I'll be here next week, on Tuesday, to see how you're going.” Wilson said, very professionally. Casey and Alex nodded, the last one getting next to Novak to hold her waist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That's great. We'll be waiting for you.” Alex answered softly and the man nodded. “I will lead you to the exit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Miss Novak.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After guide Wilson out of the house, Alex comes back to the kitchen, where Casey was eating the sandwich that Alex made early. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, we should be on Broadway," Alex said, sitting on Casey's side. The red-head laughed to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby, I told you I played Juliet at High School,” Novak replied making Alex laugh. “Al, I need to say something to you…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm so grateful that you're here. You are fighting for me and for Neal and I cannot be thankful enough. You're doing more than I could ever believe, thank you so much…” Casey said, touching the woman's hand. Alex shakes her head even though she was touched by the woman's words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'm your friend and this means I'll be always on your side, no matter what," Alex answered and the red-head felt tears on her eyes. Alex inclined to her direction and hold Casey (and Neal) on her arms. “We gonna be alright.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>×</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was working on her laptop when she heard Neal crying. She looked at the clock on the wall and was surprised that it was 1 am. That was too late to be walked, but she was already used to not sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman closed her laptop and walked to the baby's room. She was trying to keep in silence, not wanting to Casey wake up, however, when she entered the baby's room, the redhead woman was already there, with Neal on her arms and softly shaking him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you didn't need to wake up,” Alex said, coming next to them to see what was Neal's problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn't sleeping,” Casey replied with a sad smile, still shaking Neal softly. Alex could see that he was holding Casey's necklace and he looked like he wasn't letting that go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With problems to fall asleep?” Alex softly asked, taking care to not disturb Neal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's a myth that anyone on SVU's squad can sleep. None of us can.” Casey affirmed and Alex nodded. Both have been attacked before, there's no way they can sleep well. Although Alex takes pills, none really works and she didn't want to disturb George for new ones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He's clean, maybe he's hungry?” Casey asked and Alex nodded, running to the kitchen to make a formula to the baby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took not even five minutes and she was back to Neal's room but she didn't find Casey there. Alex was confused but thought the woman could be in her own room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> She finds Casey laying with Neal, the redhead softly singing to him. The mumbles were a little bit strange to Alex, who didn't know that song, but Casey's voice was so soft and beautiful that the blonde was a little hypnotized.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Casey called her attention when she felt she was being watched and Alex smiled embarrassed, completely entering the room and delivering the formula to Casey who received and softly pulled Neal on her arms to give him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you matter if I stay here?” Alex asked, even though she knows there are things to do. But that could wait, she has to stay with Neal and Casey for a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their first day was too good to be true, they shared their duties with the baby, and Casey even got some hours to solve her cases with Rafael while Alex was with the baby. She didn't know that Alex was reading for a 7 days old baby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not. You can stay here with us, c'mon, come closer.” Casey immediately replied, letting a whole space for Alex lay. The older woman felt a strange warmth on her whole body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He's so cute eating,” Alex said, just to not let the space in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He's the cutest baby ever, we're so lucky to have him in our lives.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though Alex didn't want to stay in silence, it was where they stayed for the next minutes. Both sitting side to side while their baby was in the middle, taking his formula hungrily. It almost looked like a strange dream to Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you take him? I'll put his formula in the kitchen.” Casey asked, breaking the silence and Alex nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neal was almost sleeping, but she didn't want to take him to his bedroom. She wants him there, on her arms. Where he couldn't leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex lied down saying to herself that was to make Neal comfortable, but she felt her eyes closing slowly. She noticed Casey entering back and laying on her side, taking off her glasses, putting the sheet around the two, and curling with them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was feeling an unexpected peace. Casey's arms around her, Neal's weight on her own arm, and the warmness of their bodies together. It seems like a family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A family that she hasn't experienced that way before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>×</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the next morning, Alex was the first one to wake. She was afraid immediately because didn't felt Neal on her arm, but when she looked closer, found out her hand was over Casey who had the baby on her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their mouths were open, the soft snoring coming out and making Alex smile brighter. The blonde woman wants to put Casey's hair out of her face but restricts herself and stood from the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two sleepyheads didn't have to work, she had to. None of her cases will stop just because she wants to stay in bed. The blonde ADA noticed her glasses were on the side table, and she put them immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex gets ready for work, but she couldn't stop her mind. Since she has been shoot, she remembers' a good night like this. If she was honest, even before that she hadn't slept like that. Her body was relaxed and she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She couldn't even understand that feeling for years, because of her own depression and anxiety. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some of that traumas were caused by her work, obviously, but there was no feeling like you've done something right for the world like keep that fucking rapists out the society. Even when she was in Congo or Lagos, she felt happy every time she put some rapists in jail. It was very true she always left her own life behind to give more attention to her work but now, at forty-two, with Casey and Neal, she could really think if that was really right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wasn't someone who exactly wanted children, but she always had dreamed of having a wife. She could have one if she had put her personal life first, but she didn't. And Alex couldn't even say she was regretted because it wasn't her choice, she couldn't be there for Casey. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex makes pancakes and began to prepare her things to work. She was in the middle of an email yesterday and just could hope that Casey saved that. She eats her breakfast while was reading the news, seeing that Rafael was going to process the pedophiles that were previously Casey's case. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The woman heated a formula to Neal, knowing that he must be hungry right now and it was like she had predicted because when she takes off the stove, Casey entered the kitchen with the baby crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mornin',” Casey said with a hoarse voice. After so many years of being friends, Alex still has shivers when Casey was talking.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning Case. I just make Neal's formula.” Alex replied softly, showing she was seeing if it was too hot to Neal. It wasn't so she took the baby out of Casey's arms. “Go have a bath and eat, you'll not have time to do this in the next hours.” She advised and Casey smiled at her. She ran to her room while Alex was feeding Neal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After feeding Neal, Alex changed his diaper too. She wasn't going to bath him so early, it was too cold for him. Maybe Casey could do that later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cabot was sitting on the couch watching the news with Neal on her chest when Casey appeared back. The redhead woman looked so happy and that wasn't usual to her. Novak comes to the living room with her breakfast, sitting on Alex's side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman wanted to say something but that didn't matter because it was time to go work. She softly put Neal on his baby comfort and carefully grab her things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll come early as I can, okay? You two have fun..” She announced and Casey nodded, taking Neal's hand to pretend he was waving for her too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay safe, Ali,” Casey answered and Alex stopped at the doorstep, completely frozen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one called her like that. Just her mother, years ago. And Alex could feel some tears in her eyes. She missed her family and always have been very sad that her parents didn't want more kids, because she was lonely in the world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Casey was just being lovely as always, so Alex forced herself to walk out definitely. The other woman didn't mean to make her remind of her life before everything, Alex tried to remind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn't Casey's fault that her mother die when she was on WitSec. Neither was her fault that Alex was an only child or her dad died when she was too young to understand the pain of her mother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex could say she was a little bit disturbed, but she makes all her way to D.A's office without crying. She has to remind that Casey was completely blind about her family and probably just meant to be nice with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some of her scars were too deep to heal, there's an empty space on her heart that would never really close, even if she always tried too hard to. However, she always thought and believed she was going to die alone. Now, she has two people waiting for her at home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe the scars would never heal, but she could learn to live with them. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>× </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was mad. She hasn't experienced a bad day like that for years and she has been ADA for sixteen years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her witness wasn't contributing to anything, the rapist was about to not being punished and she almost fight with Cutter, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wasn't even on SVU anymore and yet he thought it was good to bother her today. Maybe it was because everyone in the office knows about her </span>
  <em>
    <span>relationship</span>
  </em>
  <span> with Casey, she guessed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it wasn't even 3 p.m. There are additionally two hours of regular work and Alex was about to kill someone. Because of that, she hides in her office. Alex was completely lost on her own mind, although her laptop was opened in front of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was caught by surprise when she received a message. Alex put a hand over her chest while she unblocked the phone after getting scared with the sound. There's just a message, simple but that makes her heartache of love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>casey n.: </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Look our baby ready for today's game! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a photo of Neal, dressed with an onesie of Giants and a cute small hat of the team. He looked even cuter because he was comfortable around Casey's Giants' scarf. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Alexandra C.:</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>damn, how's this boy? I'm absolutely in love with him!!! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>casey n.:</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He's mine, sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>are you in your office? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Alexandra C.:</b>
</p><p>
  <span> yes, why</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>casey n.:</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>okay I send something to u </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I don't know if it's too much</span>
</p><p>
  <span>but I want to everyone know that I'm a good gf</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Alexandra C.: </b>
</p><p>
  <span>fuck its flowers? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>casey n.:</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>fuck off of course isn't </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'm not that cheese </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Alexandra C.: </b>
</p><p>
  <span>then what the fuck is</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> casey n.</b>
  <span>: </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I'll find it soon </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neal wakes up, he's crying </span>
</p><p>
  <span>bye BABE</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Alexandra C.:</b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>shut up</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex wasn't expecting the knocks on her door so she jumps a little bit on her chair. But she let whoever was wanting to enter her office. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To her surprise it was Trevor Langan, holding a small box on his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey Trevor. I wasn't expecting you today, I thought our reunion was supposed to be tomorrow?” She asked the other lawyer who raised his eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your assistant asked me to give this to you.” He said, without giving her any explanation of what he was doing there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex took the box out his hands and opened that, finding a simple necklace with an N. Neal. She smiled brilliantly to that, surprised that Casey could be that soft. She was with her heart racing with joyful and feeling on Cloud 9 until she heard Trevor clearing his throat. She didn't realize he was still there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Novak send this to you?” He mocked, pointing to the necklace. Alex hides the accessory on the box, staring Trevor with a question and anger on eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn't your business if it is or is not. What are you doing here, Trevor?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn, I couldn't believe when everyone spread the news that you and Casey supposedly are dating or something, but right now I don't believe they're lying. What are doing with your career, Alexandra? They'll never accept you as a lesbian!” He started and Alex was immediately giving him the hardest of the glances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut your fuck up and talk low.” She replied angrily. “I don't mind about whatever anyone here whisper, because I'm not like you. Yes, Casey and I are on a relationship and we're proud of that. We're about to adopt a baby boy and we have plans to marry. If you have any problem with this then it is </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>problem.” She said fast, the fire on her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trevor looked angry too, like he couldn't believe that she was the same Alex who spends some nights with him telling him how afraid she was. When they shared their deepest secrets and fears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She's the reason why you weren't hanging out with me anymore, isn't she?” Trevor asked and Alex rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That's not your business.” She replied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trevor shakes his head with an ironic smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now isn't my business, innit? What everyone's going to say? That I'm a dumb man to believe that I could change you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Again, it's your fucking problem. Not mine, not Casey's.” Alex said sarcastically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trevor shakes his head and turns around to go out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Trevor.” She called before he retires, and the man froze, showing her that he was listening. “If you say anything about our deal, you'll suffer much more than me.” She threatens and she could feel Trevor's anger on the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She has to do that. Before her friend, he was a famous lawyer. He could destroy her career if he says anything, but she could end his career too. And Alex was sure she has something he doesn't: proofs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn't really trust anyone, even more, a lawyer who usually was on the other side of her cases. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trevor left her office beating the door and Alex rolled her eyes with his drama. She just waited to him keep in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>×</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Case? I'm home.” Alexandra said when she opened the door, taking off her shoes quickly. She was tired after her bad day and really want to see humans not related to her office. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She opened a smile immediately when she saw Casey in front of the TV, shaking Neal in the rhythm of some song. The redhead was wearing just some shorts and a crop top, showing her beautiful body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The view took Alex's breath. She has never looked at Casey with any other eyes, mostly because she was her friend. Therefore the beating of her heart and the warmth she felt kind scared her. Why she was feeling something like that to her close friend and roommate? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Al!” Casey exclaimed when she noticed the blonde woman. Alex opened a big smile, walking into their direction and opening her arms to hold Neal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you two?! How was the day?” The blonde attorney asked, kissing Neal's head softly. The baby looked at her confusedly, obviously, but didn't cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never thought that someday I'd spend all my day in the house waiting for my partner to come back while I was changing baby diapers, but here we are,” Casey said, her tone showing how happy she was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you prefer a day here with Neal than processing, Counselor?” Alex asked frowning. Casey looked at her to see if she was sting or something and Alex smiled. “I also prefer this, today was absolutely the worst. Sometimes I remember why no one wants to be SVU's attorney.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey looked at her deeply and Alex felt her soul completely open. The redhead usually didn't stare at her like that, but now there's Casey, getting next to her and touching her arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should take a bath and then we can dinner. I'll ask Chinese, what do you think?” The redhead said with a soft smile. Alex nodded, walking to take a bath after giving Neal back to Casey. She still could hear Casey speaking with Neal about the match, and telling him how it was on the last time Giants played a Superbowl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even Alex, who wasn't exactly into sports, knows how proud the ADA was after Giants won the Superbowl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex took a shower and felt relieved after that, and very happy and excited while she was eating with Casey. Neal was sleeping in his room already and Alex was kind unhappy she couldn't stay more time with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I was talking with Amanda and she said it's completely normal he sleeps too much and is always hungry. He doesn't understand he's not on the womb anymore yet, so he's adapting so that's normal.” Casey explained and the way she was using her hands to express herself was captivating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was looking to her and sharing small moments of her day too, she doesn't want to spread everything to bother Casey. The redhead looked so cute shaking her hands and Alex was completely involved in her words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it's normal. He'll be used to us soon, I guess. But I also think he'll keep crying at midnight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Amanda told me too. I guess we'll be always away at midnight and can come to him, though.” Alex was kind shy with Casey's words, reminding her of her insomnia. “Can you watch N? I have to play." Casey asked and Alex was slightly confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Play what? You have softball tomorrow?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it's today. I have ignored my team all over the week and if I ignore again, we'll lose even more, and everyone else is gonna is succeeded.” Casey told seriously and Alex takes a moment to analyze what the hell she was talking about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Softball today?" The older ADA asked. Casey rolled her eyes like Alex haven't understood the point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The redhead takes their dishes and cups to the kitchen and Alex asks herself if she has said anything wrong. But when Casey comes back, she falls on the couch with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just noticed that you have no clue what I was talking about. It's called Madden NFL, where we play like we're one of the coaches of an NFL team. My team is, obviously, Giants and I'm afraid of my position. Haven't you played videogames in high school?" The redhead questioned, a little bit confused like Alex haven't lived her life right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I played chess, mostly. I didn't have time to play videogames, my mother never liked.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That's shitty. I grew up practically in arcades with my brother. I was almost famous because it was great. I played softball, soccer, and volleyball too, but I didn't take volleyball off high school. I played soccer at college and softball, but I have up soccer eventually and just stayed with softball. Otherwise, I could never let videogames go, they have made what I am today, you know?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, and you want to play this while I watch our baby?” Alex asked softly, kind wanting to tease the younger woman but enchanted that she still does what makes her happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ali… please” Casey begged with her hazel eyes making something on Alex's stomach. “It'll take just some minutes, I promise. Some minutes while I play Madden and FIFA." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fifa? Like… the football association?" Alex questioned confusedly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, like the soccer game. They just added women's soccer and I really appreciate it." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Soccer, football, softball, videogames. You're much more nerd than I thought, Cassandra Patricia Novak." The blonde said, looking to the redhead with a smirk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Shut up, you play chess and wear glasses. You're a nerd." Casey replied, teasing her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's true, I never have less than A- in my whole life." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Nerd. Let me finish my game." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The older ADA nodded, walking to their shared office to work, the electronic babysit on her hand. She started to work, doing what she left behind and having to work on some of Casey's things. They're completely lost on their own business when Alex listened a cry. She looked briefly at the clock and it was almost midnight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She spends two hours lost on her job when she should just relax and watch something. She was too tired but she couldn't let her work behind, but she didn't care when she walk to Neal's room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, babe.” She mumbles, holding him immediately. The baby didn't calm down and she knew he must be hungry. She looked at his diaper to check if she was right and she wasn't surprised he was just hungry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex walked to the kitchen with the baby crying and she saw Casey was coming into their direction when she heard his cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is he okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just hungry,” Alex answered, getting his things ready with just one hand. However, Casey took the things out of her hand and started to harm his formula. “I could handle this." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, but this I'll not let you make everything when you have a baby crying on your arms," Casey replied a little bit annoyed. Alex rolled her eyes but started to shake Neal around the kitchen to see if his cry could lower. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But his lungs were very powerful and his cry didn't decrease until Neal was eating. Alex looked at him with love and a smile, because he was too cute trying to hold the formula. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn,” Casey exclaimed on Alex's side and the blonde woman looked at her with confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What's wrong?” She asked, trying to see if it was something on the TV to reason make Casey angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This damn team cannot score.” The redhead answered and Alex smiled, looking to Neal to hold her giggle. Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>Casey</span>
  </em>
  <span> was complaining about something that </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was controlling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stayed in silence and when Neal finished his bottle, Alex called Casey's attention to take the bottle back to the kitchen. The redhead nodded and Alex saw she lost her game so she must be pissed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cabot walked back to Neal's room and changed his diapers. She makes a afford to make him sleep again but his eyes were wide open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to sleep babe, this isn't time to babies being awake. Mommy and mom are almost going to sleep too, why you don't?” She talked softly and Neal's eyes didn't leave her own. Blue in blue and she never felt such a connection with anyone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the beginning, the baby was supposed to be Casey's while the police didn't find their mother. But Alex could feel that he was hers too. She just wanted to protect him forever, like she did want when she saw Casey sleeping. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex walked back to the living room and sat next to Casey, who was playing again. The redhead looked very serious like the game was everything to her. Alex didn't want to catch her attention out of the video game but she did it anyway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you staring at me like this?” Casey asked when she finished the match. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're cute when you're concentrated.” It came out of her mouth without permission and Alex blushes in a deep red, concerned that she accidentally spoke without thinking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey blushed too and gave her a small smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That's the effect of being sleepless, Counselor. Want to go to bed?” The redhead asked, raising an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With you?” Alex nervously questioned with eyes wide open. She just accidentally flirt with Casey who invited her to sleep. There's something going on that she hasn't noticed yet?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Neal. Yesterday was probably the greatest sleep I had in a very very long time.” The redhead said sincerely. She smiled at Alex and the blonde got lost on her green eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gosh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, how the hell she was going to deny? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, let's go. It's late and we all need to sleep.” Alex replied, standing from the couch and walking with Neal. The baby was with his eyes open yet and didn't look like he was going to sleep soon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex asked herself if she should go to her own room, but Casey's bed was better than hers, so she walked to the other ADA's bedroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She softly put Neal in the middle of the bed and smiled at him. Casey entered the room a minute later, softly singing a song that Alex didn't know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The redhead nodded to the blonde, knowing just by her look that she was going to change clothes. Casey told Alex earlier that she put some of her clothes at the other's bedroom. They obviously didn't know they're going to sleep together again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After changing her clothes, Alex comes back to the room and saw Casey signing to Neal softly. A second later, the redhead changed the song for a rap song and that made Alex chuckle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What's that? Don't you like my rapping?” Casey asked smiling and showing her dimples. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex wasn't blind, the woman was absolutely stunning, but when she smiles she just </span>
  <em>
    <span>shines</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like she was the prettiest woman alive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're very good at, I must confess.” Alex softly replied, entering the bed a second later and facing the redhead. Their eyes connected immediately and it made Alex drizzling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, I never imagined one I'd be here. I always thought I'd die alone because of my work and everything else.” Casey confessed looking to Alex with soft eyes. The blonde woman smiled and touched her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We're right where we should be.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their eyes connected again and Alex's breath becomes heavier. But the moment was broken when Casey looked down at Neal, who was touching her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex felt like that moment they have shared changed everything. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Me digam o que acharam! </p><p>/ Mistakes are mine.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. somethings are mean to be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's almost Christmas time, and Casey and Alex had to decide where they'll spend the holiday. Casey opens herself to Alex deeply.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I hope you guys are alright! Let's read!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I don’t really understand why he has to come to our house four days a week. It’s been two weeks since we started the process to get Neal's custody and he almost lives with Casey and me I. It’s just… unfair! How the hell he has so much time to spend bothering us?” Alex said before making a movement with her bishop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You literally blow some shit out the social service this year, why do you expect them to be nice to you?” Abbie replied and she stares Alex, knowing that the blonde's movement would make Alex lose. The brunette did her own movement and watched the blonde. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't, but they're really biting our asses. Gosh, I hate that man.” Alex moved her piece and didn't notice what Abbie was doing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should make him uncomfortable. Like, pretend he caught you and Casey having sex or whatever else. If he's too uncomfortable, then he'll refuse to be there for so many times.” Abbie commented and lend Alex a cheeky smile. “Checkmate, bitch.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No way!” Alex claimed, pissed. She looked to her pieces and it was right. Abbie checkmate her for the first time in three years. “Fuck off, I don't want to play anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Loser.” Alex gave Abbie a bad look, but the brunette just shrugged with her smile still on her face. “Dude, you talked with Mr. Patrick?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I refuse him. I don't want to be with a fucking misogyny, you know? If I'm going to do this, I'm going to make my own ticket and choose someone I really trust.” Alex replied, relaxing on the chair while she was drinking her whiskey.  “I mean, why the hell I'd join someone's ticket where the other member is a misogynist?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least you know he'll try to destroy you at the elections.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll love to see him trying,” Alex said sassy, making Abbie laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door was opened and Casey entered, Neal on her arms and she was with a sad smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ali, we have to go. Wilson is again in our apartment and he's waiting for us.” Casey told, making a sad noise. Alex sighed, rolling her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you, he's on our asses. That son of a bitch.” Alex said, and Abbie nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do what I said to you and you'll be fine. Goodbye, loser, I'll see you again in two weeks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked confusedly to Abbie, not knowing what the hell she was talking about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not next Monday?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Al? It's Christmas.” Abbie replied like Alex was completely lost. “We're going to Serena's parents' house. You guys don't have plans?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not yet,” Casey answered when the silence was too much. Alex couldn't believe she had to forget about that, again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If she was honest, she forced herself to forget that holiday for years. She hasn't any family, no one to come home to, neither to spend Christmas with. Her uncle Bill always invited her to be in his house for the holidays, but she always refused. Not having her parents make it looks like it was the worst days of the year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn't know if Casey had any plans either. She couldn't remember the last year too, because she was too drunk since the 6 pm of December 24 til 26. Alex didn't know why she did that and she almost had an alcoholic coma. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried to forget this while she was driving but remembered Abbie saying about make Wilson uncomfortable. Alex knows she and Casey seemed like a couple, always in caressing or seeking each other, but that could be because of their years of friendship too. She knew Wilson was going in that theory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abbie said we should make Wilson uncomfortable for coming to our house two days a week.” She said, not looking for Casey on the back seat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could we do that?” Casey asked, her tone neutral. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know either.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think he's assuming we're just friends. What we are, obviously, but we act like we're just a lovely couple of friends and we don't show many PDA around him.” Casey replied and Alex could hear her brain working. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They still have some minutes before getting into Casey's apartment. Not Casey's, Alex corrected herself. The redhead insisted Alex call the apartment her home, at least until they get Neal's custody for real. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's been two weeks and the detectives didn't find anything about his mother. She was lonely, didn't have any family, the last contact with someone she had was with her uncle who was a drunk and problematic man. The investigation couldn't find anything about her killer either, because there’s no evidence of them. They all know that someone stole her baby and let him die, however it looks like an endless labyrinth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should kiss in front of him,” Alex said before she lost her courage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiss in front of him. Not very deep but enough to make him uncomfortable.” She said, knowing that was crazy. Even more to someone like her - a respected ADA with honorable awards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But what should they do? If they threaten Wilson bad, they could be fucked up and Serena couldn’t do anything else to save them. Actually, the blonde already told them that she was tied up and she couldn’t really help anymore. Alex knew Serena have done very much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, just don’t fall in love after you kiss me, Alexandra.” Casey joked but for a second, Alex froze. She laughed but felt the cold through her body. Alex couldn’t say she was in love with Casey after some weeks living together and sleeping side to side, but she feels something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, Casey was clear. She shouldn’t fall in love with her, no matter how hard she holds her feelings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” She agreed, finally entering the garage. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>×</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wilson was waiting for them at the door of the apartment, probably because the doorman already knows him for coming almost every day. Casey has to tell him to not let Wilson enter without her explicit agreement. That man has a fucking absolute purpose to caught them on a lie and they’re not going to let him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good night, Wilson. What's the reason you're here tonight?” Novak asked, with a devilish smile. She let Alex enter the house with Neal and Wilson entered after that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am here to give you some papers about Neal's custody. Where have you been?” Wilson questioned and Alex looked to Casey with a smirk, both having enough with that shit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t your business, but we’re having dinner with our friends. Neal is healthy enough to meet people, thanks to God.” Alex replied, taking off her coat after putting the baby on the sofa. She knows Wilson hasn’t reason to be there, and he’ll just pretend he was giving something important when that usually wasn't so important. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So the blonde walked into Casey’s direction and took off her coat, kissing softly the woman’s shoulder. Casey smiled at her, turning around to connect their lips in a kiss. However, Casey felt overwhelmed when she touched the woman’s lips with hers. It was too soft and tasted like watermelon. Casey wasn’t expecting the feeling inside her belly that almost looked like butterflies like she was a teenager. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she didn't take too much time on that small kiss and walk to take Neal out his baby seat. The baby was slowly starting to shake his members and always shocks her how fast he was growing up. When she put him on her arms, he smiled at her immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Babe, you can make Neal’s bottle? The Giants’ game will start.” Casey softly asked and Alex nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Case. I’m going to make some tea for me, do you want too?” She offered and Casey agreed. The blonde ADA pretended she remembered Wilson was still there and gave a look to the man. “There’s something you still want or?” Alex asked with a sassy smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey grabbed her laugh and they saw Wilson messed his words while he said that was enough. Both ADAs know that if he was older, he may see through their lie and even feel a little bit sorry for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Wilson left the apartment and Alex came back with the tea, they lied together on the couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The game was very good and Casey was excited, but she remembered there are things to solve with Alex, so when the blonde woman returns after putting Neal in his bedroom, she touched Casey's shoulder softly to call her attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to decide where we're going to be at Christmas,” Casey announced and Alex looked shyly to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want to go to your parents' home it's okay…” Cabot said, looking to the TV to avoid Casey's eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ali?” The redhead asked confusedly. The blonde looked at her with a sad smile, but Casey wasn't getting the point. “This year marks seven years that I do not come back home. My father… he's very homophobe and when I told my family I am gay, they don't… </span>
  <em>
    <span>accepted</span>
  </em>
  <span> me.” Casey softly told, looking to the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?! What happened?” Alex questioned worried and Casey sighed, closing her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She always has been proud and loves her family with all her heart. That's why took so long for her to get out of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>closet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Since she was a kid, her older brother bullied her saying she was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dyke</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The middle brothers always tried to defend her, saying she wasn't like that, saying she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Casey hides that for years, never saying anything about the girls she feels attracted to and dating boys who always happened to be problematic. She dated Charlie after a break up with a girlfriend who wanted her to take her home to meet her parents. She covered up her sexuality for years until she couldn't take that anymore and on 2010's Christmas, she was too pressed by her father, and her control was lost.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey was in the middle of her censure, she was depressed and hating herself too much; and yet her parents were always talking about men and children and she just said, out loud, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay and a fucking dyke. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That she has fucked more women than she could count and that she got sick every time a man touched her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey obviously expected them to drop her out of the family, but never expected the slap on her face given by her father, neither her brothers kicking her out her parents' home. She gave everything to her family, always repressed what she was for the well being of the family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That wasn't enough. They hated her then and hate her now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit, I'm so sorry for you, Case…” Alex said after Casey finished her story. The redhead still has her eyes closed, pretending that, if she doesn't open it, maybe that was just a nightmare. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know what was worst?” The younger ADA asked and Alex shakes her head, denying. “I was working with my brother Shawn and living above his store. He kicked me out without even question if I had anywhere to sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey closed her eyes stronger, not wanting to remind everything. She didn't tell anyone about that. Not even Olivia, who gave her a place to live for three days. She kept that secret for seven years and now she was telling everything to her (fake girlfriend? co-mother? co-worker?) </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you do?” Alex softly asked, touching Casey's face and taking off the hair that falls upon her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I came to Olivia's apartment and said I need a place to stay for a week. She didn't even ask why I need that, just let me in. Then I came to Mary and she arranged a job for me, and gave me a place to stay in her home until I was restructured.” She told and finally, she broke into tears. The huge amount of tears started and don't look like it was going to stop anytime soon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex felt her heart break in pieces too and immediately took Casey on her arms, the eyes full of tears too. Both of them didn't have any family, both too broke after living so many shits, and yet they're reunited now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two women were embraced on the couch while their cry continued, Casey, feeling extremely sore. She never meant to hurt anyone, but she also never cared about herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when she got pushed from that family, she was finally free. Free of the illusion that they cared for her when they actually don't. They just cared about the status of the good Catholic family, the ones without any promiscuity on their blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey knew God still loves her. Why He wouldn't? She was a good person, lovely, and always tried to help anyone. When she was in the middle of her censure, she helped teenagers in high school to learn math and other sciences. She was a good person, and He'd never hate anyone just because of who they are. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know God loves me, you know? I know he does because I'm not a bad person. So after some therapy, I understood I am not wrong.” Casey said, her voice even huskier than normal and she was completely involved in Alex's arms.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're an amazing person, Case. You're lovely, you're honored, you're so good being a mother to Neal and a great friend. I am not a religious person but I know that God loves you for who you are.” Alex softly told, her hands over Casey's hair while she tries to make the woman calm down her cry. She could feel the angst but she couldn't understand the storm inside her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey put her head over Alex's shoulder and kissed softly, thanking her for her words without words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But, Case, you told me I couldn't name Neal as Aston because of your brother's soccer team,” Alex asked confusedly and Casey sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kyle is the only brother I still have contact with. He's five years younger than me and we didn't really grow up together, but he understood me and when I got kicked out home, he came to me and said he loves me no matter what.” She explained, making Alex's body shivers when her breath touched her bare shoulder. “But he never could change my father's view, neither my mother does." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does she knew?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Since I was a kid.” Casey said, squeezing Alex's waist. “She could save me from so much pain and yet she chooses to pretend there's nothing wrong. She begged me to forgive her, two years after my father kicked me, but never made a move to get me back at home.” The redhead's voice was totally full of suffering and Alex pressed her more against her body, like wanting to make the woman never feel pain again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey felt her love, but she'd take that pain to her coffin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You still talk with her, right? But that's the reason why you didn't let anyone come to visit Neal.” The blonde supposed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kyle is very nice and he has two children. But his wife is a restricted Catholic, she's really homophobic so he's always fighting with her. I don't want to make his relationship bad, so I never insisted to meet my nephews or being close to him. And my mother, even though she still talks with me, she has this dream where I will marry any man someday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stay in silence after Casey spoke, mostly because they're digesting what was said and Alex was trying to not be angry. The redhead let her go and cleaned the tears from her eyes. She stands from the sofa, starting to close the house and Alex knew the conversation was over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey never opened herself that much for anyone. Not even her therapist, the woman she was paying to help her. She always got too deep into her work because she didn't have anything to focus on, neither someone to come home for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seven years have passed since the last Christmas she really celebrated. Even though Olivia and mainly Mary always asked her to come to their houses, she didn't feel comfortable interrupting their lives. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, the first two years she got too drunk and slept on Olivia's floor before it was midnight, but it wasn't really celebrating. And on these five years later, Olivia was always with Amanda. They built a family and Casey didn't want to be jealous of her friend's happiness, so she got far away from them spending the nights of Christmas watching games or playing video games. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to do on Christmas?” Alex questioned her when they finally lied down together. It becomes their thing before they could even notice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A week before, they agreed to let Neal on his cradle and don't bring him to bed unless it was very necessary. Of course, they had put his cradle in their room, so the baby was sleeping – and snoring – on their side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they didn't stop sleeping together. They haven't talked about that, but it was obvious that makes them so well. Casey slept the whole night since, and she didn't take any pills for days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't know. What do you usually do?” The redhead asked, looking to the blues eyes that were shining in the darkness of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After I come back from WitSec, I spend some with my uncle, one with the governor when he was just a congressman and travel two times to outside the country. The last one I got drunk for two days straight and I don't know why I didn't have an alcoholic coma.” Alex opened herself and Casey smiled sadly to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry.” She said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don't be. I'm alive and here with you and Neal.” Casey smiled with her words and softly got closer to Alex all over again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman does not deny the contact and brings her closer, kissing softly the red hair and hugging Casey to make her feel protected. What she felt immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should do our own Christmas. Give each other gifts and drink hot chocolate with Neal. Just three of us, here, watching some shitty show and pretending we don't exist for the rest of the world.” Casey offered and Alex nodded, her hand pressing the woman's back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was definitely a promise. And Casey always kept her promises. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>× </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Christmas came earlier than Casey could expect. So when she woke up that Sunday morning, she was surprised by feeling the warmth through her whole body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was pressed against her like she always does on the nights, but this time, the blonde was the one with lips almost connected to Casey's neck. The redhead sighed out loud with the contact, she always has been sensitive to that area. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And for her shook, Alex got closer, her lips kissing definitely Casey's neck. The younger did her best to not moan, but without wanting, she squeezed Alex's waist and the blonde was the one moaning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, Cassie…” Alex's voice over Casey's neck made her shivers immediately, totally awake now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ali, it's time to wake up." She asked softly, noticing how husky her voice was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's cold…” She moaned against Casey and pressed, even more, her thigh entering between Casey's legs. The redhead took a deep breath, closing her eyes before soft push Alex away from her arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The blonde woman opened her eyes and stared Casey with sleepy eyes. She didn't look completely aware of what she was doing and Casey stared to the ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” Alex softly mumbled, getting away from the redhead who sighed again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am not used to being awake like this.” She answered, her voice low to not wake up Neal. Casey turned away to look into Alex's eyes and the woman smiled sadly to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It's okay, just… if you want to be so close, just tell me, so I'll not be surprised,” Casey said and she saw Alex nodded, but the woman still had that sad eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Casey takes her closer, pulling her by her waist and kissing softly her hair. The warm was welcome and Casey wasn't going to deny when Alex was right. It was too cold and the warmth between their bodies was very nice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let's sleep a little more while Neal doesn't wake up.” She offered and Alex grumbled, agreeing with her. They closed their eyes and pretending they're sleeping, but the tension was there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost touchable, so hard that Casey was feeling nervous and she knew Alex could feel her body tensioned. But she didn't open eyes, not even when Alex started to touch her belly. Casey asked herself what the woman was doing, so she opened her eyes to look at where she was touching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is just a single scar above her belly button. Just one, that always served to make Casey remind how bad it was once. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was on the worst night of Charlie's harassment. She could remember it so vivid even after almost sixteen years and that scar never leaves her. At least, every time Casey looked at it, she remembered she was a survivor too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” Alex whispered her question, her hand softly around the scar. Casey took a deep breath before look at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charlie." She answered and Alex, who slightly knew about her past, nodded. Casey didn't know what she was expecting but she was sure it wasn't Alex getting out her arms and taking off her own shirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The redhead did her best to not stare the woman's breasts, looking to her face instead. But Alex touched her face and smiled at her before taking her hand and put it above a place on her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey looked at it and take off her hand to look better and she sighed out loud when she found what was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mark remained there, even after more than twelve years. Casey knew the shoot almost killed Alex however she didn't know how bad it was and there is Alex showing her a part of herself that she hasn't shown to probably anyone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ali…” She was lost in any words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey looked to the scar with the pain of her own heart. Alex was almost killed. If the bullet was a little bit down, may it could take her life too. And the feeling of not having her made Casey's heartache even more and she didn't think when she leaned in and kissed Alex's shoulder softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey was shocked by her own actions when Alex sighed and get away from the older ADA. But Alex wasn't going to let her run away, so she put her hand over Casey's neck and pull her a little closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their faces were almost touching each other, and they could feel their breaths over each other's lips. The situation was surprising to Casey, she didn't expect to wake like that on that Christmas morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey was leaning to a kiss when they heard a cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Alex whispered, looking to Neal's cradle. Casey could see him shaking his hand by distance, so she stood from the bed and took him out of the baby crib, smiling to the baby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, baby. Merry Christmas, my dear.” She whispered to him and the baby touched her face, making her smile grow bigger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Merry Christmas too, Cassie,” Alex said behind her. Casey turns to see her and Alex immediately hugs her, their bodies pressed with Neal between both. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey never felt so loved before and she knew that Alex changed her life completely. She couldn't be happier. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They prepared breakfast and the plan was to spend the day with PJs watching Christmas movies. Neal was happily on Alex's lap through the day, and every time Casey tried to pick him, he started to cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is for you,” Alex said after their brunch, giving Casey a small box. The redhead was surprised by her kind act and immediately opened the box, ripping the paper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She found a baseball ball. But it was different from any other she ever saw, it was very older and she could see it was signed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Reggie Jackson</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey looked to Alex with stupor. She couldn't believe the woman gave that to her and that must be very expensive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-where you got this?” She asked completely in shock. Casey couldn't really believe she had that ball on her hands. Jackson was one of the biggest idols she had, even though she was newly born when he started to play for Yankees. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My uncle Bill always loved baseball. He was just starting his law career when Reggie started to play here and he always loved to watch him play. They met each other on some dinners of the mayor and everything else, and they are friends until these days. However, my uncle is a Red Sox with all his heart, so when Reggie gave him this, it was just to mock him. My uncle has almost twenty of these, so I asked him one. And he gave me when I told you're a huge Yankees fan.” Alex explained with a soft smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was looking embarrassed and Casey immediately on her knees in front of Alex. The redhead brought Alex closer to her and the embrace was a mix of feelings to both. Casey was crying out loud and Alex was holding her closer, Neal on her arm and they're trying their best to not smack the baby between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it was too much for Casey. She knew Alex was rich, and her uncle Bill even more, but she never thought something like that would really happen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much, Al. Oh God, I'm so honored… this is the best day of my life.” Novak said between her tears. Alex opened a big smile to her, fingers rolling over the red hair to calm her down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You deserve the best,” Alex said and Casey shakes her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don't deserve you. You're too good for me.” Casey answered, touching her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With their eyes connected, both could feel the emotion. Casey didn't hesitate before the bow and connected her lips into Alex's in a soft and warm kiss. The blonde held her neck softly while kissing her. It doesn't get too far, but they're still close to each other. Breathing. The feeling of peace and love and warmth… It was too much for the two women who weren't used to be loved with so much kindness and caring.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey felt like she was under the water. And Alex was the one saving her from drowning, while her lips caressing her own with such a lovely and soft contact. She still was tasting like watermelon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They're on their way to kiss all over again when they listened to someone's phone ringing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it's mine,” Casey said, getting away from Alex before grabbing her phone out the centerpiece. “Casey Novak.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Case, it's Fin. The Squad is coming to Liv and Manda's place to share gifts and all of this Christmas shit. Are you two coming?” The detective replied and Casey smiled with his way to deal with the holidays. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We're planning to spend the night with Neal and watching some movies so I don't know…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Case, you need to come, please. John and I didn't want to be the only singles in the room, and you and Alex could be helpful.” Fin said and Casey smiled at Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you assume your relationship you'll not be the singles.” She replied and Fin told her to fuck off before he turns off his phone. She knew he was expecting her and Alex's to appear there. “Fin softly said he wants us at Liv's.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at her rolling her eyes and softly shaking Neal, who was complaining about something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can appear there at night, maybe.” She hesitantly asked and Casey nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, let me just pick something,” Casey said briefly before walk out the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She invaded her room quickly and started to seek for a small box she left to hide in her panties drawer. Casey didn't remember to hide that box so far, but after a while she finally found it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled to herself before step out of the room, the blue box on her hands. She hopes Alex liked that, even if it was simple next to something so huge that the other woman gave to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She approached Alex and sat on her side, smiling at her brilliantly. Casey softly put the gift on Alex's hand and the other looked at her with a soft smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex made a signal to Casey open that, so the redhead woman did, showing the beautiful pair of earrings made of sapphires. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex opened her mouth, totally in shock with something so beautiful. And it didn't look very new, so must be something from family or something else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I was a teenager, my grandma always looked so sad at me when I was talking about boys. I didn't know what she meant, but she always held my hand and told me to have courage. I didn't. So I hide who I was for years, you already know that but… ten years ago, my grandma was on the bed dying of cancer. And she told me to be happy. To be who I am, to not betray myself. And she put this on my hands and told me that she couldn't give me her wedding ring because it belongs to my elder brother, but she'd give me something to give to my woman.” Casey took a moment to breathe, still looking in the deep ocean that was Alex's eyes. The other woman smiled to her, piercing blue eyes onto hers and making Casey feel small. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn't accept this then,” Alex replied with a sad smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I'll never meet someone like you, Ali. You're the mother of my kid and that makes you the most important woman in my life.” Casey said, feeling the tears on her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wasn't lying though. After being lonely and single for so many times, she knew she'd not marry someone. Or, maybe, someone else than Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey stopped her thoughts when Alex used her hand to pull her next to her arms and she hides in the woman's hug. Casey felt comfortable, secure, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex stayed in silence and for a second Casey thought she didn't like that. But then she felt the tears on her head and knew the woman was overwhelmed by feelings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, Casey expected her to stand from the couch and hide in the room but Alex stayed there, holding her softly next to Neal and caressing her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Casey knew deep in her heart that their reactions to love were normally because of something else.  At least, with each other, they feel completely free of judgments and pain. They're each other's safe place. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Meu capítulo favorito sim. I really hope there's no mistakes here. Thank you for reading.</p><p>Reggie Jackson foi um ídolo do New Yorks Yankees durante os anos 70. Sua camisa teve o número aposentado.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. take my hand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The holiday still makes Casey and Alex open more about each other's.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, how are you? I hope y'all are nice!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The touch on Casey's back was enough to make the woman jump on her place next to the window. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ, it's just me Case,” Rafael warned when he got a sit on her side. Casey sighed, shaking her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry Raf, I was lost on my mind.” She said before drinking the wine she was holding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wanna share?” He asked softly, knowing how bad Casey was to feel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It's just…" Novak said, before look around to see if there's anyone paying attention to them. “Alex and I kissed. Two times. The first one was just to make our social worker, you know, Wilson, so even though I felt something strange, I didn't think so much about it. But today, she gave me something so nice that I wanted to kiss her, and I did and it was so so amazing yet so unique, you know?” She told, closing her eyes to not face Rafael and his kind eyes telling her that was everything fine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And what is the problem here, Case? You are two single women raising a child, it's absolutely normal you can feel something between you two.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When she said to me we should kiss in front of Wilson, I told her to not fall in love with me. She agreed. It's just so complicated because I've never felt anything like that in my whole life…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like what, Case?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can't explain. I just feel so comfortable with her, in her arms, sleeping on her side, waiting for her to come home and having the routine of my dreams…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, you sleep together?" Rafael asked confusedly, looking to the redhead who nodded looking embarrassed. “You two had sex too or it's just platonically?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Raf!” Casey exclaimed, looking around to see if anyone has listened to the man. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rafael at least seemed regretted of his words. He touched Casey's hand and grab it, softly squeezing to make Casey calm down because the redhead looks like she was going to faint. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, you and Alex have too many years to come to find out everything. She is in a relationship with you already, at least you are pretending this, so she'll not run away if you feel something for her, I really think she may have her own feelings towards you.” Barba said, his hand still touching and squeezing Casey's. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you?" Casey asked with her eyes shining with hope. Rafael smiled at her, feeling extremely excited to see his friend so happy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don't think that if she doesn't she would be here tonight, smiling and laughing about everything and Munch's horrible jokes.” The man said and Casey laughed, nodding. “She's shining like she never did before.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The only laughing about Munch's jokes was Fin, Alex, and Ken. Ken's husband, Alejandro, was looking at his fathers in law with a smile, not exactly laughing but happy to be there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Casey knew Rafael was right. Alex wasn't someone to hide her feelings, not when something was bothering her. If there's something wrong with their situation, she'd say, Casey was sure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So she lifted from her chair and step back to the living room, sitting on Alex's side and holding softly the woman's knee. Alex put her hand over Casey's, to squeeze softly. She was asking if everything was fine and Casey squeezed back to say it was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>More than never. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>× </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn, I hate New Year's Eve,” Casey said when she entered her apartment. She heard the noise of the TV but didn't know exactly what Alex was doing until she was in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Casey immediately laughed when she finds the woman. Alex has one joystick on her hand and looked very offended with the video game. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello Alexandra, what are you doing?” She joked and Alex looked at her and she seemed so pissed that Casey almost took a step back to the hallway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This game is crap. Literally crap. No way this fucking thing is winning with a score of 10x1!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh fuck, no way you're losing by that!” Casey replied back, running to the couch to look at what the hell Alex was doing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was really losing by 10x1 and Casey moaned rolling her eyes. That was her first loss of the game, but she wasn't actually mad. Because Alex showed some interest in her things last week and she was slowly learning, but sometimes she loses just because of her stress. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Case,” Alex said, biting her own lip and looking so regret that Casey immediately held her arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, it's okay. You are learning so that's very normal. Okay? Once I lost by 60x10 on Madden, so it's everything fine.” Casey replied, smiling softly to the woman. “Where's Neal?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sleeping again. He's so cute when he's sleeping but I can't wait to see you teaching him how to grab a bat.” Alex said softly and Casey holds her hand harder, smiling so big that the woman lay the head on her shoulder to hide. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That's what you want for the next year? See me teaching our baby boy how to play baseball?” Casey whispered kind of overwhelmed with her own feelings. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want some peace too. I was too interested to join the government but I don't know if I still want this…What do you think?” The blonde woman asked, her hand playing with Alex's. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I think you'd be great at government Ali. You're so important and your voice has to be heard. However, do you think you'd be elected if you don't do anything for the real people?” Casey asked softly. Alex said her head from the woman's chest and looked confusedly into her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean? I'm a great lawyer who takes away pedophiles from children and I spend many years in Africa helping them too.” Alex said, sounding a little bit annoyed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you did, but what exactly have you done for this community, Al? You have to take small steps before you think you are ready to take this position that demands a connection with people. You are not connected with people yet, Ali. Not with the good ones, unless you want to be voted because of your father's past and your uncle's position.” Casey replied, her face showing how serious she was talking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So what do you suggest?” Alex asked confusedly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sometimes when I was too scared with my feelings, I help the church by giving people blankets or food. Usually, I just appeared and they never asked me anything. Sometimes, someone would ask me what I was doing there. I wanted to make a change, Ali. You have to start with the real people and do things for them.” Casey explained, her hand caressing Alex's arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So I should help the church? I'm an atheist.” Alex joked and Casey shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“On New Year's Day, there's an event in Midtown Manhattan for homeless LGBTQ+ people. There are always people needing some comfort and love, so it's just food and people sharing their lives. Mary took me there, she helped them with some money, but she was loved. If you want, I can take you there.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex looked at Casey with admiration. That woman suffered so much and yet she didn't even hesitate to help the others. She asked herself why Casey wasn't the one trying to take a chair at the House of the Representatives. She'd be completely perfect for that position. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I would be absolutely honored,” Alex replied, but she remembered the major factor of their lives. “And Neal?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, he'd never be a problem there. There are some people who take their children too, and the kids love them." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kids?" Alex asked confusedly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, the teenagers. Some kids are kicked out of their houses at the early age of fifteen or less.” Casey explained with her voice sounding sad. Alex looked into her eyes and she could see how bad the woman gets every time she remembered what happened to herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“People still do this?” Alex questioned, imagining how far away she was from the LGBTQ+ community. Usually, her social group was full of straight people, except, of course, her best friends and the SVU's squad. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But she never got with them to an LGBTQ+ parade or meet new LGBTQ+ people. She could say she was completely in a bubble. At least, Casey was there trying to save her from her white and privileged bubble. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want for the New Year?” Alex asked when the silence became too much. Casey didn't answer her early question, just looked at her with her eyes saying "really?”.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want health, that we can adopt Neal and I want to love,” Casey replied, with a sad smile on her pink lips. Alex looked at that more than she possibly should, so she read the woman's lips very well. “I want to become a professor." She said and Alex looked at her with confusion. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I made my Ph.D., you know? I'm ready. Mary told me I was too good to be in D.A's office, but I have any patience to deal with stubborn teenagers?" Casey questioned herself and Alex laughed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you should. Take these months you'll be at home with Neal and publish some articles. You graduated on the top of your class, didn't you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The first of your class at Harvard. Eleven years on SVU, 75% of conviction fee. I really do think you'll be able to join any University you want.” Alex affirmed with her voice full of pride. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Casey smiled at her, nodding before hold her close. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The contact between both was becoming more and more dangerous because it was clear for Casey that both were feeling something else. Not just the feeling, but the proximity was kind of scary for someone who didn't have anyone that close ever in her life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>× </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“So you will not come? Are you sure, Lex?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Uncle Bill's voice was deep, showing his worries though Alex stays in her apartment with Casey and Neal. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Uncle. We're doing spaghetti and Neal doesn't need any noise on his ears. Casey is saying she wishes you a great new year, also. We'll be fine.” She replied and Casey looked at her with a smile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead didn't say anything but she knew how bad Alex wanted to her uncle appreciate Casey even more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The call was over minutes later and they continued to do the dinner. None of them really expected to be out on that night, not when Neal was still adapting to the world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He wouldn't wake up so much, but sometimes they'd still wake up by his cry. But every day he looked smarter and smarter and his eyes every day was bluer. Casey sometimes thought that he may be Alex's child in an alternative universe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After the dinner they shared a cup of wine on the couch, watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>Carol</span>
  </em>
  <span> with attention while the noise on the city was just increasing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, I hope the noise doesn't make Neal wake up,” Casey mumbled, totally immersed in the sheets. Alex was looking at the TV but she agreed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He has such a light sleep.” She replied and Casey nodded, getting closer to the woman. Alex immediately opened her arm and Casey lied down on her chest, both feeling their breaths stop for a second. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For Casey, it was overwhelming. She had never been so close to someone in her entire life. She dated, of course; she dated more girls she could possibly count, however, neither of them felt so close like that. Like the safety, she was feeling on Alex's arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>While it was a storm for Casey, it was the calmness of the sea for Alex. She had lived so many troubling relationships that she really forget about living in peace. Of course, most parts of her relationships were with men, and now she was knowing and growing something with that woman. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex couldn't stop her mind. She started to think about every time when they awake in the morning and she was tied to Casey's body, and the woman usually felt her leaving and always moaned and begging her to stay for a little bit more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Alex was doing the breakfast and Casey emerges, holding Neal, usually crying, in her arms and hands ready to pick up his bottle. Or when she comes back from the office, always very stressed, just to open the door to find Casey dancing with Neal or playing something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both of them knew they weren't perfect, but every day, it shows how much they're trying to make it work. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn, they're early! Isn't even 11h58!” Casey said out loud when a firework scared her. She stands from Alex's chest immediately when she listened to a cry and Alex tidied up on the couch, waiting for Casey to come back so they could celebrate the New Year. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, fuck.” Casey exclaimed when she was running back to the living room, Neal pressed against her chest with a sound damper of Yankees. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They're prepared but they knew the baby would be scare anyways, he was too young to understand everything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wish we could see the ball drop from here,” Casey complained and Alex nodded before the fireworks started to blow around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ol>

</ol>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Damn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Happy New Year!” Casey shouted too happy and Alex smiled at her, not really reacting yet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was starting 2018 with Casey, the most important person in her life that she didn't know exactly what she means, and Neal, her baby boy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The tears began to run down her face without permission and she pushed Casey to the couch to cry in the woman's shoulder. The blonde's hand pressed Neal's back and she could feel something wetting her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Casey was crying too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Happy New Year, Case. I'm so happy you're here. That I'm here.” Alex said between her tears, her voice sounding suffocated, strange even to her own ears. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Casey didn't care, she touched Alex's hair and brought her closer, pressing Neal in the middle of both while their bodies were glowed by the colors of the fireworks. It almost seemed like a dream. Alex felt like she was drowning all over again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She needs to figure out if that was real, so she raised her head, immediately caught by Casey's green eyes. The emotions between that eyes were so beautiful and yet so confusing. There's love, worry, caring and something that was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>Casey</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex didn't ask permission. Neither she tried to control herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She just bowed herself and connected her lips to Casey's.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The fireworks weren't the brightest thing happening, she thought, while her lips started to dance against Casey and both could feel overwhelmed by the emotions, by the love, by the climate around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a New Year. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe something could change now, Alex thought after got away from the kiss. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Neal was crying softly, trying to take away his sounder damper. He wasn't successful, but Alex wishes she could freeze that moment forever. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>× </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex was feeling a little bit uncomfortable. All these people around were looking so relieved to be there and she was just scared with the younger kids. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She wouldn't ever feel uncomfortable with LGBTQ+ people, but she could see literal kids around. She asked herself where in the hell they're living, if they were bumped out of their homes and if they could eat well… The ADA could see that some of them look very malnourished, maybe because they live on the streets. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You look like you are in the zoo.” Someone said behind her and Alex turned around scared to look to a young boy. He maybe had fifteen or less, but his voice was very deep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I'm not used to be there, I guess.” She replied, feeling like she was wrong to be there, where she didn't belong, and wouldn't be accepted. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She asked herself wherein the hell Casey was because she didn't mean to look to anyone like they're weird or something else. She was just curious and a little bit sad for the younger ones. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Relax, ma'am. We won't steal your purse or something.” The boy mocked her and Alex looked at him seriously. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don't think any of you will steal me, I'm just curious. I just got out the closet recently and never have been around LGBTQ+ people, not out my bubble.” She replied annoyed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, the rich ol' lady is really treating us like a zoo.” He teased again, but then he looked something behind her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex turned around to see who was coming and she was relieved to see Casey finally there. The woman was with Neal on her chest, on a kangaroo, and she was bringing two drinks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn, there are so many people here.” She complained softly and then she looked to the boy who was mocking Alex before. “Oh, I see you knew Oliver. Hey Oli, this is my girlfriend Alex.” She presented both and they shake each other's hand with a fake smile on both faces. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn't know you have a girlfriend,” Oliver said and Alex almost laughed that he may crush Casey. Almost because she felt something bad inside her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We are almost married actually. Are you seeing this small one here? He's our baby boy Neal.” The redhead said softly and Alex immediately smiled for her. She got next to Casey and held her waist before kissing softly her hair. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah, that's too much. I thought you said you'll never marry?” Oliver replied. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She said that before she kissed me.” Alex smiled teasing Casey. The redhead laughed but softly punched her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The small boy raised his eyebrow, but soon Casey was talking to him about his paints. He was apparently a good painter and Casey had to insist on him show his paints for Alex, what he did after a while. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The woman was impressed. He was not good, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His paints looked so realistic like a photograph. She was shocked. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your paints should be getting exposed,” Alex said but the boy shakes his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“People don't like to see paintings from trans people.” He replied and Alex felt her heart break immediately. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you give me your phone number? I'll make you get one exposition." She said sure and he shakes his head like he wasn't believing in her, but gave her his number anyway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex never thought she'd be doing that at the New Year's Day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>× </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Coming back to work was very exhaustive. But for Alex, it was awful since she started to help people out the Court. She was just starting to help some teenagers, she teaches them math and science on Tuesdays and Thursdays. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But it was exhaustive to be on the Court and see another fucking rapist get away from his crimes just because there's no evidence enough. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was watching Alexander Parker being declared as not guilty while she knew he made a confession. She felt like crap if she was honest. She didn't sleep well on the other nights and she was sure Casey could feel her angst. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes, she reminds why SVU has taken so much of her sanity. The blonde was a little bit late to come home, but that doesn't matter right now. She needs to drink, calm down, and then go home to see Casey. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The beautiful, intelligent, and tired as her, Casey. The redhead woman was so busy, trying to help children with learning, making her articles of violence against the LGBTQ+ community, and also taking care of Neal. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex just didn't want to bother the woman. Not when she was too tired to even kiss her again. Shaking her drink a little bit, Alex laughed to herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was so stupid. Casey didn't say anything about kissing her after Christmas night and she didn't say anything after. Maybe she was too scared of Alex. The blonde could feel the range growing on her stomach and she knew she should stop and walk home. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, look who's here.” Alex heard behind her and turned around on her sit just to face George Huang. Her lovely best friend, Huang. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“George!” She said happily and he moves toward her direction, and Alex hugs immediately the man closer as she could. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Lexie, you look like shit.” He said immediately and she rolled her eyes. She could expect that from him, obviously, but she has more things to complain about. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you here?” She asked confusedly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me? This is like the closest place of the Court. Of course, you'd come here after that horrible case.” The man replied, sitting on her side.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who told you I was here?” She asked, calling the barman for another drink. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Casey. She's worried you didn't arrive home yet and called me, but I knew this case was very tough to you and I know you so well that I feel you'd be here.” George said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked to her deeply, like he was analyzing her. Alex knew he was. George always loved mysteries, even if it was one of his friends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When did you come back to town?” Alex questioned, trying to make him stop examine her. He didn't. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Friday, I guess? It's been a week, Evan and I were very tired of Oklahoma and he was missing his football shit, you know. We had to come back to NYC because he was insisting to see Giants.” George explained softly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn't stop decipher her. And Alex knew he wouldn't until he was sure of what happened. So she sighed after he stopped to talk. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am a failure.” She admitted. “Like a really fucking failure. I couldn't win this fucking case and I didn't saw Casey and Neal since Monday. And the worst is that I promised a kid that I'm helping that I'd be there to see him signing on the church. I couldn't even keep my promises.” She complained, feeling the tears on her eyes. Usually, she wasn't that emotional. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But she was too tired of everything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alex, I'm sorry for you didn't keep your promises but doing what you do on SVU, it's completely normal to not saving any time,” George said softly, his hands caressing Alex's back. The Asian man looked so sorry for her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that. But I just wanted some time to spend with Casey and Neal or helping the kids. I don't want this anymore.” She said closing her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You want to drop your position?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“SVU isn't for me anymore, Geor. Casey wants to grow up, she has plans to start teaching, and me… I want to do something, you know? She opened my eyes.” Alex told him and the man nodded. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Al, but are you ready to give up from everything you fought for?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex didn't know exactly how much she was willing to lose. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Im like so sad we are getting on the end.... Just one more to go :( </p>
<p>Also I'm sorry about the delay, I kind work with football (soccer) and it costs me a lot of time. I just wrote this chapter this weekend and I hope I can bring the next one on Sunday. Thank you for reading 💜</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. take my whole life too</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The changes come... But they still the same.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! It has been such a long ride, such a lovely and amazing ride. I can't believe I'm finishing this. For many reasons, writing this was a kind of safety for me. What I wrote here was so good for myself and I really hope it was for you too. </p><p>Not gonna get emotional now, let's read and I'll talk at the end. Good reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex wasn't used to lying to save her own ass. She never lied when she was a child, always told the truth to her parents — and sometimes got the consequences back. But she wasn't used to lying. </p><p> </p><p>Well, not so much. </p><p> </p><p>So when she signed the papers, saying how happy she was that Casey and herself finally got the custody, she wasn't lying. Not at all. She was lying when she touched Casey's waist, called her "babe" and told the social workers a different version of facts. </p><p> </p><p>The ends justify the means, she believes. So there was her, hugging Casey in a room, her friends around, and her baby playing on Casey's lap. </p><p> </p><p>She was tired of lying to herself. Tired of saying every day that was absolutely okay to not feel good at work, most parts of people do. </p><p> </p><p>“Lexie?" George's voice was soft and the woman looked at him, a little bit scared. He smiled at her, offering snacks to her. She accepted but was zoning out. </p><p> </p><p>It was supposed to be a victory, and it was. They had a fight for and after six months, they finally got Neal's full custody. The case of his mother was over, there's no way to go around more and it was so painful for them to know that their baby would never find out why someone would take his biological mother's life. </p><p> </p><p>“Baby, let's go," Casey asked her after everyone leave their home and it was finally time to get into bed. Alex gets up, walking to the bedroom, and changing her clothes almost automatically. </p><p> </p><p>She really wanted to talk with Casey. She wanted to say to her how in life she was. But it was over. Casey probably wouldn't want to kiss her until they got their "break up" in the next months. She probably wouldn't like to kiss someone that she was just pretending to be with. </p><p> </p><p>“Alex?” Casey's voice was sounding like Alex was underwater. Completely drowning. “Ali? Alexandra!" Finally, the redhead's exclamation broke Alex's zoned. </p><p> </p><p>“What is that?” She asked, laying in the redhead's side. </p><p> </p><p>Alex didn't know why they're still sleeping on the same bed. Three months ago, they changed Neal to his room, but they didn't stop sleeping side to side. </p><p> </p><p>“What is wrong? Please, talk with me." Casey begged and Alex closed her eyes, trying to uniform her breath. Trying to calm down before exploding everything right on Casey's face. </p><p> </p><p>“I just want to sleep, right? Let's sleep.” Alex replied, trying to turn to the other side. </p><p> </p><p>“No! You are strange for weeks, and you may not notice but this is affecting me and also Neal. He's growing up, Ali, he needs you. So do I. Please, talk to me.” Casey said, touching Alex's shoulder softly. Alex sighed, pressing one hand against her forehead. </p><p> </p><p>“Case…” </p><p> </p><p>“I've been respecting your space for weeks, Alex, but it's enough.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, okay, what do you want to hear?!” Alex exclaimed, opening her eyes to look into Casey's. “You want to hear that I can't stop thinking about you? That you are in my mind for twenty-four hours and seven days? That I can't fucking look at you and don't want to kiss you? I'm in love with you, fuck, that's fucking hard to deal with." She exclaimed, looking stressed. </p><p> </p><p>Casey opened her mouth and closed it, looking stupefied. She didn't know how to react. Fuck, Alex was in love with her. <em> In love with her </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“You are… in love with me? What?” She asked the tears in her eyes. But Alex was already crying, hiding behind her own hands, trying to not deal with the power of her own words. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Cassandra, I've been in love with you for five months,” Alex said, still crying. Casey took off her hands from her face and looked at the woman with a smile. She cleaned the tears from running down Alex's face and kissed her cheek. </p><p> </p><p>“We are lucky I'm in love with you too,” Casey replied before connected their lips in a soft and loving kiss, making both close their eyes while the moment just becomes more passionate. </p><p> </p><p>The hands were in each other's face and they started to fight for the dominance, Alex starting to exploring Casey's mouth with her tongue and Casey's hand over the woman's shoulder, pressing her back on the bed. </p><p> </p><p>It looks like a dream for both of them. They have been in circles around each other for months, just casual touches and soft kissed in front of people. Not something like that. Where passion could be felt by their acts and emotions. </p><p> </p><p>Alex couldn't control her hands. She could feel Casey's cold breath on her neck and she couldn't stop. She was feeling like she was drunk because it looks overwhelming.</p><p> </p><p>“Baby…” Casey mumbled when Alex finally kissed the spot above her ear. The blonde woman bit her hard, making Casey almost scream. “Al…” </p><p> </p><p>“Say what you want, baby,” Alex whispered, her hand between Casey's thighs, just softly touching where she needs so much. She was already trembling above Alex, who wanted to make that woman lose her mind just like herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Ali, please…” Casey begged and Alex used her nails to scratch the redhead's thigh. </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want, Cassie?” </p><p> </p><p>Casey moaned with the soft nickname, but she didn't look like she was going to do what Alex told her to. The blonde knew that, so she pressed between Casey's legs with her knee and bit harder the woman's neck. </p><p> </p><p>Casey was moaning louder again and Alex knew the woman wasn't going to give up. She squeezed her thigh again and was ready to make Casey crazy when they heard a noise. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, fuck.” Alex exclaimed with the sounds coming from the other room. Neal was a big boy now, he wasn't supposed to wake up so early. She stands from the bed and ran to his room, to see what was wrong. </p><p> </p><p>Neal was crying harder than never and Alex immediately was worried. She took him on her arms and felt his fever, making her anxious. She called for Casey who enters quickly. </p><p> </p><p>“It's alright, I'll call Amanda,” Casey said and Alex was already taking his clothes to give him a bath. She has read that some kinds of fevers were normal, but she knew that wasn't supposed to happen right in the spring. </p><p> </p><p>Amanda told Casey to give him a bath like Alex was doing and said they should watch him. The couple could see that the baby was a little bit tired, and Alex was sure that was the flu. </p><p> </p><p>“We should go check this in a hospital,” Casey said softly, staring Alex on the bed with Neal on her chest. </p><p> </p><p>“I don't like hospitals. Just call George, he doesn't sleep well, so he may still awake.” Alex instructed, her voice sounding a little bit desperate. </p><p> </p><p>They're not supposed to end this night like that. Alex wasn't mad with her baby, obviously, she was mad that he could be sick. The thought of having her sweet baby boy on a hospital bed scared her since he got out of the hospital when he was newly born. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, George is coming,” Casey said after leaving the room to do the call. She lied on the bed with Neal and Alex and hug them close, kissing softly the baby's head before Alex's shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>At least Neal didn't look so warm anymore, so she was more relaxed. She knew how bad fevers were, and sometimes it could be very dangerous. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Al,” George said when he entered Neal's room. The doctor was fast examining the baby, focused as always, and making Alex feel safe too. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn't trust anyone else to care for her baby and after George had examined him, the man was with a smile on his face calming Alex down. </p><p> </p><p>“I think it's normal. There's nothing wrong with him, so I'm afraid it's emotional? I will give him paracetamol and you'll gonna watch him all over the night.” George said softly, with a smile. He looked very worried and he pulls Casey out the room. </p><p> </p><p>Alex stayed with Neal, taking care of him as much as she could. Her heart was still racing so fast, because of her fear of losing her baby. But it was George who took care of him and she didn't trust anyone else. </p><p> </p><p>She stands from the baby's room and walks into her own. She wouldn't leave Neal alone that night. So she entered the sheets with him, the baby looking at her very tired. She knew that he wasn't used to being sick, they always had made the best to give him the right things. </p><p> </p><p>“Mommy is coming and we can sleep, okay? You gonna be alright, baby boy.” Alex whispered. “<em> When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night's sky.” </em> She started to sing and Neal looked to her, listing every word of the song. </p><p> </p><p>George told me that maybe he was feeling emotional fever, so it was her fault. She didn't mean to not be there for Casey and Neal, but she was lost in her damn mind. She couldn't do that again, because they need her. </p><p> </p><p>When Casey entered back to the room, Alex didn't stop to sing. The redhead lay down beside her and hug her waist, Neal in the middle of both. Alex could see the tears on her eyes, but she doesn't mention that until Neal was already sleeping. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry. I failed you two.” She assumed and the younger ADA shakes her head. </p><p> </p><p>“It's alright, Ali. You're here now, with us. There's nothing else I could ask.” Casey replied but Alex knew it wasn't enough. </p><p> </p><p>“I am the one who wants to ask you something.” The blonde says suddenly. Casey raised her eyebrow like she was asking what. “Marry me.” </p><p> </p><p>“What?" The redhead asked looking Alex with confusion. </p><p> </p><p>“Marry me, please,” Alex begged and saw Casey shake her head negatively. </p><p> </p><p>“Ali, you can't ask me to marry you after ignored me for a while and done what you've done last month. Do you know? We have to see if this is really working before marrying.” Casey explained like Alex was a child. The woman looked so worried and Alex felt the tears on her eyes immediately. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm sorry. It's just… we're raising a child together, we live together, and already seems like we're married. So why not?” </p><p> </p><p>“We need to see if this is really working before, right? I will give you an answer later.” Casey said, touching the blonde's face before kissing her softly. </p><p> </p><p>Alex closes her eyes, taking a deep breath before nodding. Casey was right. They didn't know yet if they really work together as partners. The ADA relaxed on the bed, knowing that someday she could make the same question and maybe would be different. </p><p>
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</p><p>Alex was wearing Versace. Casey looked at her and could feel her lungs begging for oxygen. Alexandra was possible the most beautiful woman she has ever seen in her whole life. And Casey wasn't even kidding. </p><p> </p><p>“You're amazing,” Alex said when she was finally in front of Casey. The ADA smiled at her, knowing she couldn't even compare to Alex. Casey was feeling a little bit courageous and decided to wear a black suit with a redshirt inside. </p><p> </p><p>She knew that Alex was going to wear a red dress, she begged to know so they could match. But she didn't know that the other woman was going to be absolutely gorgeous in that Versace dress.</p><p> </p><p>“You are stunning every day but today you are gorgeous, Counselor.” She played and Alex chuckled softly, coming to hold her hand. “Neal's already sleeping?” Casey asked worriedly. </p><p> </p><p>“Amanda really has this thing where she can put our baby to sleep in like ten minutes. It's crazy.” Alex replied like Casey didn't know that fact. </p><p> </p><p>They walked to the street and entered Casey's car. Inevitably, their hands connected when Casey started to drive. They didn't have to talk, the fact that Alex was squeezing Casey's hand was enough to bring comfort for both. </p><p> </p><p>Independence Day party wasn't really a choice for them. But Alex was starting to get new contacts to gave her a chair on the government. She already has made her way with the people, as Casey advised her — helping homeless people or helping the teenagers with free classes — but now she has to get the heart of the big guys. </p><p>
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</p><p>Of course, it has everything to go down. Casey never wanted to be on the highlights like Alex, but she would never let Alex alone with those vultures. They're the worst of all, and she needs to be there to help her partner. </p><p> </p><p>“I can hear Trevor's voice in my head saying I shouldn't go there open and proud of who I am.” Alex broke the silence, looking outside the street avoiding Casey's eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Ali. You know that he manipulated you all this time. You're an openly bisexual woman who's going to get your fuckin' way to get that place on the House of the Representatives.” Casey said, touching Alex's thigh and squeezing it. </p><p> </p><p>Alex took a deep breath, putting her hand over the Casey's. The redhead smiled at her, kissing her cheek when they finally arrived. There's a look on her green eyes making Alex relax deeply. </p><p> </p><p>They entered the hotel's hall and were immediately guided to the party. Casey could already feel the cold looks into her direction. She was finally open and didn't really care about anyone. </p><p> </p><p>She was an open lesbian, finally, and was with a gorgeous woman on her arm. Casey Novak was finally free and she wouldn't let anyone make her feel locked again. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you mad about something?” Alex asked her after the first couple they had to greet (the representative of the 10th district and his wife, ironically). </p><p> </p><p>“Why?" </p><p> </p><p>“You're frowning, Cassie.” </p><p> </p><p>Casey smiled unconsciously with the nickname. The sweetest thing that Alex could ever call her was that nickname. </p><p> </p><p>“I was just thinking that I have the prettiest woman by my side, the smartest baby waiting for us at home and I'm waiting for an answer about being a professor at NYU. Life is so beautiful, isn't it?” Casey said and Alex immediately turned to hold her waist. </p><p> </p><p>“It's beautiful because I'm sharing it with you," Alex replied and Casey opened the biggest smile. She really wants to kiss Alex right there, but it wasn't the right place. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, how pretty is young love.” Bill Cabot appeared, smiling for the two women. Alex left Casey and immediately hugged her uncle close. “How are you two? And the baby?” </p><p> </p><p>“Neal is growing so strong, uncle. I think we couldn't be in love with them but every day we fall in love again.” Alex told and the man nodded, smiling brilliantly. </p><p> </p><p>“I am so happy to hear this. I need to see that baby more and show him how to love the Red Sox.” Bill teased, looking to Casey's expression. The redhead shakes her head, immediately denying that. </p><p> </p><p>“He already watches Yankees at home. He'll play for Yankees on the future.” The younger ADA answered making Bill and Alex laughs. </p><p> </p><p>“Poor kid,” Bill said before someone call his attention. “I have to go, good night ladies.” He told, hugging both the women. </p><p> </p><p>“The way you take baseball serious than anything else is funny,” Alex commented softly, before kissing softly Casey's cheek. </p><p> </p><p>The redhead blushed immediately. She never showed her emotions so hard like she did when she was with Alex. The woman always makes her did things she never imagined she would. </p><p> </p><p>Like being at a party with rich people drinking expensive chardonnay and wearing a suit. With a pretty woman on her arm. Nothing that she ever imagined yet it was what she was living. </p><p> </p><p>“Damn, look who's coming,” Alex whispered and Casey looked into the direction she was pointing. </p><p> </p><p>Trevor Langan was coming into their direction with his stubborn smile and, for their shock, no one on his arm. The man would never leave an event without coming with someone, not when he tries so hard to be accepted as a straight man. </p><p> </p><p>“Alex, Casey. How are you?” He greeted them, looking almost nice. </p><p> </p><p>“Very well, and you?” Casey answered for both of them, her hand pressed against Alex's waist hard. Her partner was looking around, very uncomfortable with Trevor's presence. </p><p> </p><p>“Nice. How are your… son?” He teased and Casey knew it was his purpose. </p><p> </p><p>“Our son is very healthy, thank you for asking. And he's legally our if this is what you're asking.” Alex answered instead, her tone expressing how mad she was. “Now we have to meet someone relevant, goodbye Trevor.” She said before pulling Casey and walk away from the man. </p><p> </p><p>Alex felt like she should kill him. How did he dare to fucking ask about her son? He was just a child that shouldn't, absolutely, use to tease someone. </p><p> </p><p>“Fucking stupid. I should punch him.” Casey whispered and Alex nodded, taking the woman to the bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>The blonde immediately brought Casey into a box, locking both there. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Casey watched her reactions and sat on the toilet. Alex was making breathing exercises and she just could pass her hand around the woman's waist. </p><p> </p><p>Soon Alex was breathing well, but Casey didn't stop her touch. She knew that Alex needs that. </p><p> </p><p>“He shouldn't do that. He's an fucking asshole and we should come back there and punch him.” She said after a while, and Casey nodded, but just pulled Alex closer. </p><p> </p><p>“Listen here, we'll not act like we felt his attacks. It's what he wants and we'll not give him this. We'll come back there, you'll make your contacts to win the next elections and I'll be the pretty fiancé by your side, right? We are two successful women who raise a pretty and smart child and we'll not be affected by anyone, okay?” Casey said seriously, looking to Alex with attention. The blonde sighed, sitting on her lap. </p><p> </p><p>Alex closed her eyes before pull Casey for a soft and kind kiss, where they shared their frustrations together. The best way to deal with that kind of teasing was to ignore the. They knew that. </p><p> </p><p>So Casey didn't let the kiss be any longer and soon she was making Alex stand, taking the woman by the hand out of the bathrooms and back to the party. The blonde was starting to help many people in the streets, but she needs some contacts if she was going to be on the run to the 10th District. And the best way to that was to make friends, strengthen others, and make sure that everyone in the room knows how good she was. </p><p> </p><p>And when Casey touched her back, making her relax or when they share looks, it makes sense to Alex. </p><p>
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</p><p>“So, my name is Casey Novak. Some of you may know what I've done in New York's Court, some may not. I'm not here to say my whole curriculum, I'm here to teach you Criminal Law and nothing else.” Casey explained, her voice sounding very loud in the silence class. Everyone was looking to her like they couldn't believe her presence there. “But, before we start, you may have some questions so I'll answer some of them.” </p><p> </p><p>The students stayed in silence like they couldn't believe that <em> Casey Novak </em>was there. She knew she was a fucking legend for these kids, but didn't know her presence would be overwhelming. </p><p> </p><p>“It is true you and ADA Alexandra Cabot have an affair and that's why you got fired?” One boy asked and Casey holds her laugh. Of course, they'd ask her that.</p><p> </p><p>It's been two months since she asked her resignation, knowing she couldn't really do that job anymore. Jack was so angry because she just spent one month prosecuting before leave. But she knew that wasn't her place anymore. </p><p> </p><p>And Alex was done with that shit, so she also asked her resignation last week. Alex was focusing on her campaign, and she has high rates on the running, she didn't want to lose that. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm here now, I'm not gonna say anything about my last job except when it comes to cases. Also, Alexandra and I are happy together. Would be a pleasure if any of you don't bring this again.” She answered, her smile showing she wasn't so rude. But none of them asked that again. </p><p> </p><p>“How many rapists have you put in jail?” One girl questioned and Casey smiled for her. </p><p> </p><p>“I really don't know. My conviction fee is 76%, so…” She replied and everyone seemed more admired. </p><p> </p><p>Casey never felt so powerful. When she was just a student, she remembers how bad her teachers were. Pressing everyone on the class and thinking they're Gods. She'd never feel that way, but the feeling of power was very good. </p><p> </p><p>However, she wasn't going to make good lawyers. She was going to make the greatest ones. That would be a dare for many people but for Casey that was just a goal she wanted to be sure she was going to get. </p><p> </p><p>After another two questions, Casey started the class. She made the same dynamic in every class, so they could know her well. Some questions involved Alex, but she made sure everyone knows she wouldn't answer anything about her partner. They knew they're together and that was the end. </p><p> </p><p>Thought-out it was tiredness, at the end of the day Casey still has the brilliant smile on her face. She always wanted to teach, ever since she was a kid. Her parents made her become a lawyer and she couldn't really blame them for that. She was a great attorney, but a better one professor. And when she listened they calling "Professor Novak", she knew there's nothing else better than that. </p><p> </p><p>When she opened the door, she was welcomed by Neal's laughs. The baby already had eight months, every day smarter and smarter, showing her and Alex how fast he was growing up. Casey wanted the time to freeze a little bit, she wasn't ready to see him growing up. </p><p> </p><p>“Look who's here, N!” Alex's voice was loud and Casey smiled for her immediately. </p><p> </p><p>“Honey, I'm home!” She exclaimed and she could hear Neal's scream. She softly threw the purse on the couch and sat on his side on the floor. He was trying to walk and she knew he'd be successful soon. </p><p> </p><p>“He spends all day trying to say something,” Alex said before now into Casey's direction to give her a soft peck. “How was today?” </p><p> </p><p>Casey sighed, looked to the ceiling to contain her tears, and was ready to express her deep feelings when they heard something. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Mo </em>?” Neal said, trying to get into Casey's arms. </p><p> </p><p>“What's that, baby boy?” </p><p> </p><p>“Mo!” He screamed and was about to cry when Casey took him in her arms. </p><p> </p><p>He called her <em> mom </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Her son just called her by <em> mom </em>. She couldn't believe it and the tears she contains before immediately running down in her face and Alex was on her side in a second. </p><p> </p><p>Casey pulled her closer, pressing Neal between the two while her cry was increasing. She was so lucky to have them with her, so lucky. Casey pressed a kiss on his head and Alex's lips, trying to show them how much she loves them. </p><p> </p><p>“Now I'm jealous.” Alex mocked, but Casey knew how hard she was trying to make Neal speak. And they're both there to see their baby boy growing up. Nothing matters more than that. </p><p> </p><p>“He will call you mama later, your jealousy,” Casey replied but Alex shakes her head, kissing her lips softly. </p><p> </p><p>“He will. But I'm very happy that he called you mom first. You deserve this, Cassie. You're the one who saved him and you're doing your best every day so he can grow up well. I don't think there's something you deserve more than that.” Alex said sincerely. </p><p> </p><p>Casey started to cry all over again and the blonde pulls her face, kissing every tear to clean her face. Neal was trying to clean her face too, his small hands touching his mother's face while he looked worried. </p><p> </p><p>Alex finished the kisses with one on Casey's lips. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” She said and Casey smiled to her between the tears. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, baby.” The redhead replied, kissing her lips softly. They both kissed Neal's head before say to him they love him too. </p><p> </p><p>Casey couldn't think a better end of her day. If she was honest, she felt complete before. But now, she was feeling <em> overflowing </em> with love. </p><p> </p><p>And there's nothing better than that. </p><p>
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</p><p>× </p><p> </p><p>“Alex asked to marry me,” Casey said, avoiding the man's eyes while she bites her hotdog. </p><p> </p><p>“What?" Fin sounded unbelieved. Casey knew he'd want to beat her ass immediately, so she was hiding that for months. But after last week, she couldn't do that anymore. </p><p> </p><p>“She asked to marry me after we got Neal's custody. We are in a relationship but I said that we should know what we want first." </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off, Casey, you're on your knees for that woman. God, I didn't know you're so stupid, girl.” Fin said and Casey looked at him with a pout. “Don't look at me like that, I'm being real here. You're in love for months, you're the perfect couple. You're raising a sweet and smart baby boy together, why would you… FUCK, NO!” He paused his speech in the middle while the Boston Red Sox scored their first home-run in the game. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off!” Casey screamed too, pissed they're already losing. The game has just started minutes ago, and the Yankees already were making her mad. </p><p> </p><p>“Gonna tell you, these guys are suckers." Fin said, rolling his eyes. Casey agreed, drinking her soda. “Alright, what I was saying?” He asked and Casey was looking to Neal on her arms. </p><p> </p><p>It was the first time of the baby at Yankees Stadium.  He was wearing one small shirt and playing with a small bat that was made exclusively to him. Casey send Alex a message saying she was going to show him where he was going to play in the future. </p><p> </p><p>And of course, she invited Fin because the man would never deny free tickets to see Yankees. And she needs his advice if she was honest. She was the one who made him tell Munch his feelings, so they had created one kind of partnership. </p><p> </p><p>“You two are in love, Case. Why would you think that isn't going to work if you have been together for 9 months raising a child and making plans together?” Fin asked looking at her seriously. She nodded, quietly thinking of everything he has said. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn't stay calm with her thoughts so she was biting her nails watching the game. On the final of the fourth inning, she felt a touch on her back that almost made her scream. </p><p> </p><p>“You're such a baby girl.” Alex's voice was loud and she laughed to Casey, who was trying to recover her breath. </p><p> </p><p>She slapped Alex's arm softly and Fin on her side was laughing very hard. Neal was already jumping on her lap to get Alex's attention and when the woman sat on their side, he immediately was on her arms. </p><p> </p><p>“How the hell you entered here?” Casey asked completely in shook. </p><p> </p><p>“Uncle Bill knows the Yankees owner and he was at the party's meeting. He brought me here, actually.” She said and Casey was again surprised by her. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, she never doubted Alex's wealth but when she talks so naturally about her contacts, that's when Casey becomes shocked. </p><p> </p><p>“And you want to meet him later? He asked who was my girlfriend and I told him I could present you two.” Alex softly said, her hand touching Casey's knee. </p><p> </p><p>The redhead nodded, kissing her cheek softly. </p><p> </p><p>“I don't think this is the right moment but…” Casey started, slightly looking at the stadium screens. It was showing them with the kiss can. “Yes." </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Alex asked confusedly, bowing her head a little bit. </p><p> </p><p>“I want to marry you, Alexandra,” Casey said and Alex opened a big and shocking smile. She looked at the screens and becomes red suddenly, but Casey pushed her softly and kissed her. </p><p> </p><p>The touch was soft and made both hearts racing with love and caring. Alex couldn't believe Casey accepted her and Casey couldn't believe she said yes. </p><p> </p><p><em> Yes. </em> </p><p> </p><p>She said she wanted to marry Alex but she was meaning that she actually wants to spend the rest of her life with the blonde. The rest of her days waking up next to her, loving and kissing her, and making their family not just big in terms of people but also in terms of love. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Casey said in Alex's lips. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you so much… and there's nothing more 'you' than accept my proposal in a baseball stadium." Alex giggled softly. </p><p> </p><p>They felt Fin dropping popcorn over them, but they really didn't care even a bit. It was their moment. </p><p> </p><p>The first moment of the rest of their lives. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now it's time to get gay! I want to thank everyone who has left a comment here, who told me to keep going, to Nath and Jubs. You guys helped me more than you could imagine, for real.<br/>Thanks to everyone who read too, you guys are amazing. But this is not the ending, actually. I'll write the epilogue because we need it and deserves that! But also, I'm writing again. So stay aware! </p><p>And I'm sorry about the grammar mistakes! Thank you guys for everything!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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